Self-Awareness or Attraction and Desire: Which is More Important for a Successful Intimate Relationship?

Many believe that attraction and desire are some of the most important ingredients of a successful relationship. But a less-known concept – Self-Awareness – is vital to the maintenance of a long-term healthy and satisfying intimacy.

INGREDIENT OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

Many perceive sexual attraction to be an uttermost important ingredient of a good relationship: the partners feel attracted to one another; they touch and kiss and make love; they hold each other tight and can’t separate even for a minute; they cuddle into each other’s arms and sleep and dream together.

ATTRACTION AND DESIRE DIMINISH WITH TIME

While all this might be true, the truth is that such attraction and desire are usually a phase at the beginning of a relationship (not to mention that there are those who – for one reason or another – don’t go through this phase). And then, as the relationship continues, slowly but surely the sexual urge levels off (in one or both partners) and becomes “a routine part of the relationship”.

WHEN THE ROUTINE “TAKES OVER”

When the routine takes place in a relationship, personal & professional issues of one or both partners begin to take precedence, coupled with disagreements, conflicts, arguments and fights. These are a natural part of any ordinary relationship.

This is when the couple must be cautious: it is very easy to “fall into the routine”, get “busy with life” and forget that a satisfying, on-going relationship needs to be cared for and maintained with open heart and good intentions.

THE ROLE OF SELF-AWARENESS IN MAINTAINING A SATISFYING RELATIONSHIP

It is then that the role of SELF-AWARENESS becomes more apparent than ever: awareness to one’s own attitudes, reactions and behaviors which take place in the relationship. Such awareness enables each individual (and the couple) to “negotiate” their needs and expectations (rather than getting angry at each other for not fulfilling them); to come towards one another (rather than standing firm on one’s own wish); to openly share their joyful as well as sad moments (rather than shutting down or turning their back on each other); to support each other and navigate their way towards a satisfying “togetherness” (rather than “living apart together”).

Unfortunately I have witnessed, time and again, many individuals (and couples) who ARE NOT AWARE OF THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-AWARENESS. They neglect to realize the value of “working at maintaining the relationship”. They take the relationship “for granted”, as “a given”, assuming that “having a relationship” is what’s important; believing that “problems always exist within a relationship” and therefore what they experience in their own relationship is a matter of “how things are”.

But “the way things are” is not “the way things should be”! Deciding that Self-Awareness should be an integral part of the relationship is a sure way to keep maintaining (and improving) a long-term satisfying, healthy and successful intimacy.