Romance Advice: Love is a Decision

Falling in love is wonderful. Hormones, things in common, hours and hours of talking are often the beginning of something bigger. The problem is, that after we fall quickly and deeply, when the hormones go back into balance and the things in common are less precious, we have the reality that love isn't only romance and play and giddiness. It is a good thing, too since nothing would ever get done! In the media, we see scenarios of two people falling into bed and then love and then...the rest of the story is seldom portrayed. When the euphoria fades then we get to decide, "Am I in or am I out?"

When we approach a relationship with the common good in mind, we are allowing the other person to be who they are rather than who we want them to be. All too often, we fall in love with the IDEA of a person. What that means is, we are in love with love or the projection of who we WANT that person to BE. This, of course is a recipe for disaster. When we are in love with love, we jump with both feet into the deep end of the pool before ever knowing who the person is or if we are compatible. When we are stuck on an idea, we are blind to red flags and deal breakers that warn us to take heed. Later, we struggle trying to reconcile who the real person is with the image of them that we had. That struggle is miserable.

In those times when we have allowed our partner to be who they are and loved them where they are, we have an authentic relationship. With authentic relationships love is a decision rather than an emotion. This idea is quite radical and also very helpful. When we are less concerned with the EMOTIONS of falling in love, we are less prone to acting selfishly because we are not feeding the impulse for immediate gratification. If we decide to go forth for the highest good, then all sorts of problems can be transcended. Yogi Bhajan said that without COMMITMENT there is no HAPPINESS. Making a decision cuts away all other options. The option to run is off the table. When you and your partner decide to commit to one another, it is sacred. You are calling on a force higher than ego, to your highest selves. Love relationships are very confronting. They are magical and are humbling, too. When we decide that we are IN, even more magic can happen. You are safe knowing that whatever happens, your relationship will last. In our disposable/consumer culture, this is not easily adhered to. It is difficult to humble oneself to the larger purpose of the common good. And, ultimately, you will get something much more rewarding than immediate gratification. You will get peace and a depth of experience beyond measure.