One of the biggest challenges that someone can have in today’s world is ending up with people who are not right for them. This can mean that they end up in relationships with people who are simply not a good match, or it can mean that they have the tendency to end up with people who are abusive.

Naturally, it is going to be far worse for someone to end up in abusive relationships than it will be for them to end up in relationships that are not in alignment with who they are. Nevertheless, if someone is used to being with people who are just not right for them, it is going to be incredibly frustrating.

A Drain

In both cases, this area of their life is going to take energy from them, making it harder for them to function at their best. In fact, if one is currently in an abusive relationship, they might not have the energy to do anything.

Being in the other person’s presence, even if they are not treating them badly, may be enough to suck all the energy out of them. It could be as though this person is a vampire, who is constantly absorbing their life force.

Taking a Break

One could be in a position where they have been in a number of unfulfilling relationships or relationships that were abusive, and they may have decided to take a break. This can then give them the chance to settle down again and to focus on other areas of their life.

They may believe that it’s just not their time and that their luck will change in a little while. There is the chance that this approach will work, but then again, it might only be a matter of time before they end up with someone who is very similar to the last person they were with.

Two Parts

When one has the inclination to end up with people who are not right for them, it will be as though they don’t have an effect on this area of their life. There will be the type of person they want and then there will be the type of person who they actually end up with.

That’s not to say that they realise this during the early stages of a relationship, though, as the other person could come across in a different way. One can then end up feeling as though they were deceived.

A Negative Assessment

If they believe that they don’t have an effect on this area of their life, they could see themselves as a victim. If they do see themselves in this way, they could experience a lot of tension when they come across people who are in fulfilling relationships.

People like this might appear to have something that they themselves don’t have, with this being the reason why there is a difference in how they experience life. However, while it may appear as though one is simply a passive observer in what is taking place, this is not the case.

Two Levels

It will seem as though one is ending up with people who are not in alignment with what they want, but if they were to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level, they may find that they are getting exactly what another part of them wants. The trouble is that what they want at a deeper level is not what they want at another level.

And what is taking place at a deeper level has a far greater effect on how they experience life than what is taking place at higher up. One way of looking at this is to say that there is what is taking place in their head and then there is what is taking place in their body.

Shinning the Light

When one is aware of how what is taking place at a deeper level is affecting this area of their life, it will give them the chance to see that there is a reason why they continually attract the same types of people. It can be as if they have become aware of a part of themselves for the first time.

This part may have been overlooked by them for most of their life, but it will be the part that is having the biggest effect on their life. What they are likely to find is that how they feel when they are in a relationship - along with how someone behaves - is what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe to their unconscious mind.

For Example

Deep down, one could see themselves as someone who has no value, so experiencing feelings that are in alignment with this view and being treated badly is then going to feel right. Consciously, they can still resist what is taking place and have the desire to experience life differently.

As soon as they no longer identify with this view of themselves and have worked through the emotional wounds that are within them, they won’t be drawn to people who like this. Their unconscious mind will start to align with their conscious mind.


The emotional wounds that one carries as an adult are likely to have been the result of what they experienced during the beginning of their life. Their caregivers may have been abusive, but it might not have been this black and white.

One way for them to work through their wounds, will be to reach out for external support. The assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, may be needed.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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