Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind
by
Bill Cottringer

“When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.” ~George Harrison.

The amount of peace of mind we have, like happiness, contentment and other states of mind, depends largely on who we define the concept. It may be easier to state a few examples of what we all know is not peace of mind:

• Mental turmoil from unresolved conflicts.
• Unwanted, painful interactions with family or friends.
• Defensiveness from exposure of vulnerabilities and insecurities.
• Envy, jealousy, anger, ambiguity, disappointment, and other such feelings.
• Unexpected failures ore setbacks, despite good efforts.
• Acute, unsettling traumatic experiences.
• Unhealthy distress of any sort.

So, what is peace of mind now that we know what it isn’t? We do know some ways that lead to having more peace of mind:

• Pastoral or mental health counseling.
• Sharing secrets and suspicions with close friends.
• Being assertive in excising your rights and freedoms responsibly without offending others.
• Living your life around your core values.
• Meeting your needs by helping others to meet their needs.
• Meditating, praying, communing with nature, or stress-reducing relaxation.
• Becoming more mindful of the present moment, rather than remembering the past of drifting ahead to the future.

Peace of mind is something we all search for during much of our lives. Unfortunately, our results usually don’t match our investments. Why is this so? Because getting peace of mind is probably the most difficult and tricky thing to understand and achieve.

Back to the question at hand, what exactly is “peace of mind?” Do we even know what it is that we are searching for? Is it a concrete, tangible behavior or attitude or is it a vague, unconscious yearning for something we had before we were born? Is it something we just accept like grace and salvation or is it a reward for discovering something important or doing something worthwhile?

Is peace of mind a unique quality of mind or is it just an accumulation of other things like happiness, harmony, contentment, knowledge, achievement, and success? Is it something that you get all at once and then it is lasting or is it something that comes and goes or builds gradually? Is peace of mind similar for us all or is a uniquely private thing? These are questions we should be asking and sharing notes on the answers.

For what it is worth, here are some things that I have found out during my own search for peace of mind.

1. Peace of mind is an ideal concept that may represent sleep and death more than wakefulness and life, at least the way we idealize it.
2. It is an accumulation of other pleasurable feelings like joy, meaning and harmony and the absence of negative judgment of unpleasant things like nagging unfulfilled desires, unresolved conflicts and disturbing mental, emotional or physical pain.
3. It comes and goes but builds stronger gradually as we get a clearer picture of what it is and how to get it.
4. Paradoxically, peace of mind is something that we both accept and do something to get. We have to exercise an attitude of complete acceptance first, which is the most difficult thing we will ever have to do. What we have to accept is that both halves of life- bad, confusing chaos and good, simple order- are one of the same and that neither is more desirable or better than the other. Translated, this means if we can't be happy poor, we can't be happy rich and if we can’t find peace in suffering, we can’t find it in the relief of suffering. Acceptance is something we have do completely right now, without any conditions, expectations or hesitations.
5. What we have to do to get an abundance of peace of mind is discover who we really are and where we need to be going. This is so we can get busy closing gaps and restoring order to some of the gaps and chaos we unknowingly helped create earlier in our lives. The main thing we have to do is remember why we are here in the first place. It is the answer to this question: What special thing did we agree to accomplish in this life in exchange for the opportunity to live it? This is our unique purpose for being here and only we can remember it.
6. Once we figure out what peace of mind is and isn’t for ourselves, we have an obligation to pass this valuable information on to others. It is the most loving gift we can give each other. In doing so, we should keep an open mind and carefully listen to different viewpoints. We may all have a small piece of the puzzle as to what peace of mind really is, which we need to share with each other to get a clearer vision of the bigger picture for both ourselves and others.
7. If we are not yet here, the way to get to this point in our search for peace of mind is in practicing the little, everyday things that we often forget or neglect while pursuing the more exciting, glamorous aspects of life. These are the simple acts of unselfish kindness, compassionate forgiveness, non-judgmental understanding, and gentle reverence toward all creatures big and small. It also pays to focus on the diligent search for truth and knowledge that can make life better for ourselves and others.

William Cottringer, Ph.D. is retired Executive Vice President of Puget Sound Security in Bellevue, WA, but still practices sport psychology, business success coaching, photography, and writing, living on the scenic Snoqualmie River and mountains of North Bend. He is also on the Board of Directors of the Because Organization. Bill is author of several business and self-development books, including, Re-Braining for 2000 (MJR Publishing); The Prosperity Zone (Authorlink Press); You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too (Executive Excellence); The Bow-Wow Secrets (Wisdom Tree); Do What Matters Most and “P” Point Management (Atlantic Book Publishers); Reality Repair (Global Vision Press), Reality Repair Rx (Publish America); Critical Thinking (Authorsden); Thoughts on Happiness, Pearls of Wisdom: A Dog’s Tale (Covenant Books, Inc.). Coming soon: A Cliché a day will keep the Vet Away and Christian Psychology for Everyday Use (Covenant Books, Inc.). Bill can be reached for comments or questions at (206)-914-1863 or ckuretdoc.comcast.net.