Parenting by Mother Mary

Back to Basics Parenting
Mother Mary

Greetings Precious Ones It is I Mother Mary,
I come forward at this time to coax you into consideration of your current parenting methods, and to offer suggestions to reduce the tension within your homes and child-parent relationships. I know that within your current environment this may not always be easy, but I feel that if you become more aware of some of the elements which are causing you difficulty you may be able to rise more swiftly above them.
In today’s day and age all of you appear to have so much pressure upon your shoulders that the weight of this often insulates you from what others too may be experiencing. Even though you may have good intentions, even though you may care and love your children, seeing the turmoil that they may be in, and being able to address their underhand methods of getting themselves what they want at times becomes clouded and confused. Most of you assume love to be giving children what they want, for the majority you tend to give in, in your weak moments, as the guilt you experience, the sense that you have failed as a parent, that you are not a good enough mother or father sticks with you and causes many sub conscious patterns that obviously you cannot be aware of in your everyday consciousness.
If you can attempt more thoroughly to look at your own feelings of guilt and regret, of not being good enough as a parent you will be able to more easily free yourself from this syndrome which sees you teaching your children that they can get what they want if they nag and hassle you and cause trouble long enough. You are literally fighting an uphill battle, your children see images on TV of these immensely happy children with these colourful, expensive toys, then they go to day care, play group, kindergarten or school and see that other children have these toys, and then naturally they think to be happy and loved they need them too.
Unless you are going to throw out all of your quite numerous TV’s the solution is complicated and will call upon much discipline and alertness from you. Resolving this issue must become important to you, and you must decide to devote your attention and care to it otherwise without doubt will you fail again, only to buy the children more stuff once again to console you and your sense of failure.
In today’s modern world, going to the toy store on a Saturday to buy presents for birthday parties, and then get a little something for your kids has become the norm. Children are getting used to getting something every time you take them out. This is what they think love is, when you buy them something you must think highly of them, you must love them, and this then gets ranked higher within their little minds, especially as it is seen and reinforced on the TV. Whereas in previous generations this was not the case, children rarely went to the toy shop, there was not the plethora of toys available in stores that there now is, and they were limited to Birthdays and Christmas not each Saturday. If you went to another child’s birthday party you took something simple and cheap, now you must impress everyone with what you have bought. This all places added pressure on you, as to keep your child home from a party is the equivalent of social isolation.
Thus, amongst this hectic lifestyle which you are reinforcing you need to bring balance back, you need to monitor consistently all the communication and technological devices within your home. You need to work towards a more simple lifestyle where your children are getting outdoors more, not to exercise or become personal trainers, just to be in nature and enjoy a swim in the river, running and playing games at the park, Frisbee, cricket, footy, it does not need to be competition, it needs to be fun. Parents need to reduce time spent working on weekends so that you can be together as a family, doing simple things.
If you can hold this within your mind, the idea of getting outside more as a family, of visiting waterfalls, beaches, parks, not being drawn all the time to movies, and gaming venues, shows and expensive theme parks, just being outdoors, with each other, bushwalking, stopping at lookouts, letting your children play by the creek, let them hop across stones etc. this is how you will simplify your life, and the energy from mother nature will restore and refresh you and also your children. Even if it is cold, bushwalking will warm you up, your children may complain at first, but with time they will start to enjoy it, thrive upon it and love it. They will make up their own games, they will run off and hide and try and scare you, and you need to give them the space and the freedom to do this. You cannot expect your children to have fun if you have to watch them 24/7, they need space, and so do you. Trust even that allowing them to do this and risking the possibility that something terrible may happen to them, is more worthwhile than having them safe and stunted and bored next to you.
You must give your children the freedom to go over next door and play, to go down to the park and play with other kids by themselves, if you think your role as parent is to watch them 24 seven you are undermining their own ability to make decisions, this lets them know that you do not trust them, particularly if they are over the age of 7. This will create resentment within your relationship, and will place added stress upon you, having to watch and correct and instruct them all the time. Trust that they will be ok and see the necessity in giving them their own space, trusting them to make the right decisions, for when they are adults the more practice they have had at this the better off they will be.
If you can start to do this much, if you can start to slow your hectic schedules down even in slight or small ways, you will reap the benefits, your children need you at home with them, if you are constantly working long hours, you are putting your relationship in the back seat and this is undermining your best intentions. Then if you watch them like a hawk when you are home, this is sending a message which is a double standard, a contradiction and serves you and your children not. Please seek ways to reduce long work hours into shorter work hours, as your children are far more important than paying off the mortgage more quickly.
Take time also to look at your own feelings of not being good enough as a parent, when you start to feel depressed, or as if you cannot cope in certain moments while parenting, this is a good time to look at how you feel. Even if you just take a minute or two to sit down, close your eyes and let yourself feel what is within you, you will be able to more easily relax within your parenting role, and feel that even amongst the chaos you and your children will be ok. The more honest you can be with yourself about how you actually feel, the more you can express this and share this with your children the more honest they will learn to be with themselves and you, and this can only invigorate and improve your parent child relations.
I will return with more parenting articles

Blessings Mary