In my “toilet moment”,the moment that was my wake up call, I realized I wasn’t very far from death.

I also realized that, up to that moment, I believed that someone “out there”, the therapists, the doctors and the healers were the experts. I had been hoping, praying even begging that one of them would figure out what was wrong with me. Then, they could fix me and make me all better. But what hit me the night of my wake-up call was this: that there never, ever would be, or could be, anybody “out there” that would be able to just wave a magic wand and make me healed, make it as if the trauma never happened. It was at that moment that I found the courage to heal myself. I knew that I had to be the one to do it, or it would never really happen. It became clear to me that I was the only one who could heal my broken heart.

I am sharing this article with you today, because in your case, it’s the same. You are the only one who can heal yourself. There is nobody else who can do it. Understand that no one but you can heal yourself. Nobody but you can integrate your pain, so you can once more open your heart and feel safe.

This understanding enables you to take the firsts steps toward integration and healing. Only then will you finally stop waiting for somebody else to heal you. You stop looking outside and start looking inside. Inside is where all your answers lie.

I am sharing this concept with you today because it will enable you to shift from waiting for things to change to taking proactive steps. Being proactive is far better than waiting for somebody to come and finally help you, or for your man to finally change.

This concept, that you are the only one who can really heal yourself, will help you to get from a place where you are the powerless victim to reclaiming your power.

You do this by changing what no longer works for you in your life, and in your relationship. You may have thought, or hoped, that I would be the one saving you. Or maybe my book or some other self-help experts book would be the one that did that for you. But really, all of it is just here to remind you of all the things you already know, on some level.

Your soul knows, for sure.

I know from my own experience just how it is to hope that somebody else will help. I had gone to a number of analytical therapists for many, many years. The only results were that my parents ended up spending a ton of money on therapy bills. If you have been seeing a therapist for quite a while, haven’t you wondered, deep down, why it is so? Why does it take so long? Why don’t you seem to be getting any closer to healing? Why you are still angry at your man, and why you are still fighting all the time? Why can’t you let go during sex and feel passionate and alive? As I said, I had been going to therapists for some time. I started wondering and asking all these same questions, too.

What I realized, finally, was this: Traditional therapy is only focused on treating or fixing the problem, not on transforming, integrating, learning from or healing the problem.

Big difference!

Putting a band-aid on a gushing wound doesn’t make your wound heal, nor does it help new skin to magically grow. In other words, traditional therapy fails because it focuses on fixing the symptoms (the gushing wound), but not on supporting the bodies own healing powers. You are the one who knows how to heal your heart best. You’ll see it, on your own healing journey.

Exercise: Ask yourself this question: Are you still hoping that someone out there will help you? Or, did you have your wake-up moment yet? If you did have your wake-up moment, go back in time and find it. Write it down. Remember the thoughts that crossed your mind. They where most likely given to you by grace. Become as conscious as possible of it, so you can reconnect with the energy of the event over and over again. This is what will keep you on the path when times get tough. It will also help you to make this concept a real truth for you, rather then just a mental concept.

The above article is an excerpt from the first chapter of Blossom- A 7 Step Journey. How to Heal Early Sexual Trauma and Create A Trust-filled and Deeply Connected Relationship with Your Man.

To get the full chapter for free click here.

Author's Bio: 

I am 33 years old, and I have spent more then half my life both learning and teaching about love.
In Germany, where I am originally from, I am both a Naturopathic doctor and Humanistic Psychotherapist. I have been involved in the field of Personal Development for more then 18 years.

I conduct workshops in the United States and Germany, as well as work with clients on a one-to-one basis. I am publishing a book on the subject of healing early sexual trauma, which will be released early next year.

But that’s not what makes me an expert on love, intimacy and relationships. That comes out of my own childhood experiences.

Beginning at the age of eleven, I suffered from immense “soul pain” for over 12 years.
Today, I now know that most of this pain was caused by early sexual abuse, which I had no memory of until relatively recently. The result of the trauma resulting from early sexual abuse was that I suffered from serious eating disorders, addictive behavior, co-dependent relationships and depression.

I basically felt “broken” for most of my life, and I desperately and continually needed to do something in order to not feel the pain.

At the age of twenty-one, I finally had what I now call my “Toilet-Wake-Up-Moment”. It was an epiphany, a moment when time stood still, and it became crystal clear to me that, if I continued to do what I had been doing, my life would be over very, very soon.
There would be no merging with “the one”, no family, no children, no happiness. There would only be a body found on the bathroom floor. My body. One that had suffered a painful and tragic death.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen, Instead, that moment, that epiphany, was the beginning of a journey within.
I was incredibly fortunate to have been guided towards some of the most profound teachers in the field of personal healing, and was extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to study with and learn from them.

There was, however, an even greater contribution to my own healing then all the “official” teachers. That turned out to be the numerous men that appeared in my life. Numerous, because I was always in search of the perfect relationship, the perfect man, “the one”.

Each of the relationships was wonderful for a time, than became a lot less so. However, I am now grateful for each one, as it brought me a little closer to the truth about love, intimacy and my very own heart.

Today, I am fully recovered from my early sexual trauma. I am now happily married to “the one” that’s just right for me (instead of the fairy-tale “perfect one”).

We live in beautiful Santa Barbara, California with our two wonderful children, and I now travel around the world, teaching women with a similar history to mine about how they can heal and create a trust-filled, deeply connected relationship with their man.