No One Gets A Free Ride on the Confidence Bus

What is confidence, exactly?

The dictionary defines confidence as: belief or trust in oneself and one's powers or abilities; certitude, assurance.

I’d like to take it a few steps further. To me, confidence is knowing who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin, despite any external pressures that might make you feel otherwise. It’s having a clear sense of self that doesn’t get blown about by every wind.

Confidence is not, however, the absence of fear. More accurately, confidence is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. It is a core belief in your capabilities; in your own resourcefulness, no matter what you are presented with. You can handle whatever comes your way, in spite of any limitations or shortcomings.

Confidence is NOT being free of flaws. It’s about recognizing your weaknesses and playing to your strengths. It’s understanding that success only comes through many, many failures and perfection is an insidious affliction that holds you back from living a confident, well-played life.

Confidence is not narcissism or an over-inflated ego. It’s not stepping on people or pushing them out of the way on your rise to the top. Quite the opposite. Confidence is feeling so secure in yourself that you are not threatened by the success of others. In fact, you are probably one of the first to lend a helping hand.

Confidence celebrates others’ successes, knowing that we live in an abundant universe and there is more than enough to go around.

So what if you’re not feeling so confident? Confidence doesn’t always come so easily. You’ve actually got to do the WORK. That’s right – read the books, see a therapist, work with a great coach, practice your craft – feel the fear and do it anyway. The more willing you are to dig deep, do the work, mess up and ask for help, the more likely your confidence is to grow.

And sometimes you just have to act “as if.” You have to walk your talk. In every moment and in every interaction you are teaching others how to treat you and how to interact with you. Some days you may not feel confident, but you still need to put one foot in front of the other and get in the game.

As the saying goes: “You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you get rained out, but you dress for every game.”

You show up, no matter what. Now that’s confidence.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2011