If someone was to take the time to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that they rarely feel good. Along with how they feel, there is going to be what takes place.

At this point in time, they could believe that what takes place causes them to feel as they do. Therefore, their life is only going to change if they have different experiences - experiences that are life-affirming.

A Closer Look

If they were to make a list of how some of the situations in their life make them feel, they could end up with a number of ‘negative’ feelings. They could list some, if not all, of the following feelings: powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless, rejected, abandoned, angry, enraged, fearful, overwhelmed and violated.

This is not to say that they will always experience the same feelings; what it can mean is that when they experience something ‘negative’, they will experience some of the aforementioned feelings. Considering this, they are likely to have a lot of experiences that are ’bad’ and even deeply traumatic.

For Example

They could be used to spending time with people who treat them badly, and some of them might even physically harm them. Their friends and family could be this way, and they could work with people who are the same.

There is the chance that they could live somewhere that isn’t very safe either, with this being somewhere where there is often violence and loud noises. Instead of being able to relax at home, they will need to be on guard.

Out of Their Hands

If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for a very long time. In fact, it may have more or less always been this way.

It is then not going to be a surprise if they believe that they are powerless to do anything about what is going on. Consequently, they may believe that they need someone or something ‘out there’ to change their life.

A Bystander

They are then going to just happen to end up in these situations and won’t be playing a part. What will add weight to this view is that they will be fed up with what is going on and will desperately want their life to change.

To say that they are playing a part in what is going on could be seen as an example of what is often described as ‘victim-blaming’. This is the term that will be used when a victim is seen as playing a part in what they experience.

Diving Right Down

Now, what is perfectly clear is that one is not consciously choosing to experience life in this way. If they were, they wouldn’t want their life to change and there would be no resistance to what is going on, and they would be incredibly masochistic.

However, what needs to be taken into consideration here is that one doesn’t just have one mind, they have two minds. So, in addition to their conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind.

Two Needs

As a result of this, although their conscious mind can want one thing, their unconscious mind can want somewhere else entirely. Due to this, they can end up in situations and experience feelings that don’t serve them.

Yet, if this understanding is not in place, it will be normal for them to see themselves as a victim of circumstances. In reality, they will be being victimised by a part of them that they are not aware of.

The First Part

If they were to go deeper inside themselves, what they are likely to find is that they are emotionally attached to a lot of ‘negative’ feelings. Ergo, as painful as these feelings are, they will be what feel comfortable at a deeper level.

This will mean that external circumstances don’t make them experience ‘negative’ feelings; they simply trigger how they already feel. Moreover, how they feel will cause them to co-create situations that allow them to experience these feelings.

What’s going on?

When it comes to why they would be attached to these ‘negative’ feelings, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis.

Experiencing these feelings would have been painful but they would have ended up being associated by their ego-mind as what is familiar and therefore, what is safe. The years would then have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place, and the outcome of this is that it would have seemed as though the external world made them feel a certain way.


If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

With this support, one will be able to work through their inner wounds and to let go of their attachment to ‘negative’ feelings in the process. As this pain is worked through and they start to feel different, their outer world will also change.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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