If a man is in a position where his life revolves around his mother, he is going to be like her servant. As opposed to being a separate being who has his own needs and feelings, he will be nothing more than an extension of her.

This is likely to mean that he will typically come across as easy-going, selfless and as though he lacks backbone. Therefore, not only won’t he have much of a life, but he won’t have much of a personality.


If he has at least one close friend, this friend could be only too aware of how he is too focused on his mother and doesn’t stand up for himself. This person could believe that he needs to stop being so ‘nice’ and start asserting himself.

What this will demonstrate is that they are only too aware of how out of balance he is and that he needs to reclaim both his life and himself. However, even if they have expressed this to him directly, it doesn’t mean that it has gone in.

A Reflection

Assuming that he does have a friend like this in his life, it is likely to show that part of him knows that how he is not living is not right. The reason for this is that if this wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t have anyone like this in his life.

This person will be expressing what is taking place inside him. But, as other parts of him will dominate the part of him that knows that he is out of alignment, he won’t be consciously aware of it and this is why it won’t have much of an impact on his life.

The Wrong Path

Ultimately, how he is behaving is not allowing him to thrive; it is simply allowing him to please his mother. Naturally, this is going to have a negative impact on his wellbeing.

Yet, thanks to how strong this need is, he might not pay attention to the feedback inside him that is telling him that he is living in the wrong way. The whispers inside him could soon end up turning into screams, though.


At this point in time, he could often feel down and drained and he might have moments when he loses his temper around his mother. If the latter takes place, he could be filled with guilt and shame afterwards and end up apologising.

But, while he may believe that how he behaved was irrational and even out of character, it will be a natural consequence of the fact that he is continually violating himself. How could he feel at peace all the while he is turning his back on himself?

The Catalyst

For him to be able to see clearly, he might need to experience something that has a big impact on him. This could be a job loss, a breakdown, a breakup or a serious illness.

Whatever it is, this can end up shaking him up and allowing him to face up to the fact that he is not there for himself and is behaving in a way that doesn’t reflect who he is. If he is able to see this, he could still have moments when he blocks this understanding out of his mind.

A Strange Scenario

He could soon wonder why he is so focused on his mother and why he is playing a role that is not serving him. For him to live a life that is worth living, he will need to be there for himself and freely express who he is.

The truth is that he is not here to meet his mother’s needs and he is also not here to play a role. He has his own needs and feelings and there are many different sides of him.

What’s going on?

When it comes to why he is not there for himself or in touch with and able to freely express his true self, it is likely to show that he had to adapt to his mother during his formative years. At this stage of his life, his mother probably used him to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs.

As a result of this, he would have been deprived of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Additionally, he will have been conditioned to be there for her and to hide the parts of himself that would cause him to displease her and potentially end up being rejected and/or abandoned.

One Focus

At this stage of his life, he was powerless and totally dependent, so there wasn’t a great deal that he could do. His only option was to gradually turn his back on himself and be who she wanted him to be.

He would have come to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that certain parts of him were also bad. He had to lose touch with himself and play a role to survive as a child, but, now that he is an adult, he no longer needs to.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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