It is certain that finding the right partner is essential for a loving relationship. Yet, we have long held certain beliefs in our society, which don’t help us keep love once we find it! The divorce rate in America reflects this truth. One out of two marriages fail. Here are some beliefs we must change. The first goes like this.
“I want to find the right person. Someone who will love and respect me.”
This sounds like a reasonable desire. Yet, the first of the “8 Select Heart Magic Principles,” in my book, "Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well", states that we must first love and respect ourselves before we can attract that love and respect from another.
There are three areas where self-respect and love of self are reflected. We see it in how we take care of ourselves in mind, body and spirit. For example in terms of the body, we can see it by whether or not we have a healthy diet, whether we rest and sleep well and whether or not we get enough exercise. As regards our minds, self-love is shown in the amount of peace we feel and create around us. Are we able to control negative thinking? Can we control anger, let go of past hurts, keep learning and growing in awareness? The better job we do in caring for our body and minds, the more our spirits will reflect an inner peace. A healthy partner will be more successful at creating an environment in which love and partnership thrives.
The second belief, which hampers the art of loving, revolves around the topic of romance.
“Romance only occurs in the courtship period. You can’t expect it to continue for ever.”
This is love heresy! It is a myth, which may not be verbalized but may be apparent when couples begin to take each other for granted. They may no longer prioritize time for being together. If this happens partnership suffers. They may give more of their time and attention to; work, their children, extended family, friends, hobbies, the TV or computer, rather than to each other. This will certainly diminish romance. Poor communication tends to increase when romance wanes because like children, if we can’t get positive attention from someone we love, we tend to get that attention through conflict.
This is why No. 2 of the "Heart Magic Principles" is that for love to survive you must prioritize your relationship. This keeps romance alive no matter how many years go by. How do people fall in love with each other? The answer is they spend quality time together. They express how much they appreciate one another with loving words and actions. So it is essential that partners find quality time in order to share their thoughts and feelings, an enjoyable moment, an opportunity to show affection, verbally and physically. Our lives are built moment to moment so when loving couples look back on their years together those years are filled with intimacy and happy moments shared. This is why such partners feel love and romance grow no matter how much time has passed!
A third belief, which must be changed for love to endure is that we need no preparation. "All we need is love.”
Everyone believes they are in love when they marry yet one out of two marriages ends in divorce in America! One of the most important principles in my book is that we must be better prepared in the art of healthy communication and conflict resolution! In my book, readers are instructed in these arts by learning the “Dos and Don’ts of Relating.” If we are truly devoted to having a happy life and a peaceful world, what better place to begin than under our own roof!
I believe more people in our society will fulfill their dream of having a loving and happy home once we transform the beliefs mentioned. I am happy to say that in the past 25 years, I have seen a greater change in consciousness precisely in that direction and I hope the material in my book will continue to support the greatest of all arts, the art of relating!
Maria J. Andrade, M.F.T., is a licensed therapist author and poet. She is founder of the “Heart Magic” workshops based on her book,"Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well." This book focuses on important “Select Principles” and “Do’s and Don’t” of communication for sustaining a loving and lasting partnership. Her books for adults and children are now available on Amazon.com's Kindle Library and on her website: www.magicunion.com.
You may contact her on: Twitter/Birdchat or Facebook
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