How to be More Like My Dad

After sharing advice my dad gave me with one of my coaching clients, the client sighed and said, "I wish I could be more like your dad."

I smiled and moved on, but the thought stuck in my head. How would someone become more like my dad exactly? Would they really want to be? (Mom, you can't answer that.) I then realized that during this unsettling time in our world, the stable, consistent qualities I admire most in my dad do indeed deserve modeling in so many work and life situations.
So, for the purposes of this article and in honor of my Dad, here are four ways you, too, could be more like my dad.

1. Stay positive. No matter what's happening, it's rare that we see my Dad down-in-the-dumps. In fact, for years the end of his outgoing voicemail message chirruped "Stay positive!" But that doesn't mean he's never had opportunity to feel sad or low--believe me, we've given him multiple opportunities. It's just that he chooses to look at events through an optimistic, positive framework.

He's likely onto something. Research in the Journal of Psychology and Aging showed that people with an upbeat view of life were less likely than pessimists to show signs of frailty as they age. Healthy thoughts equal healthy lives. So, since we all may need to work several years longer to rebuild our 401ks, I'm staying positive.

2. Get involved. One of the things I enjoy watching in my dad's retired years is his ability and willingness to get involved. Whether it's the local hospital board, the soup kitchen, or the community advisory board, getting involved lets him invest his talents and skills in organizations that need them.

But involvement also jolts him with additional energy and learning opportunities that wouldn't appear in any other way. Even though involvement can sometimes be draining, he uses it to learn and connect to new ideas as well as contribute. The payoff is often worth the investment.

3. Be generous and cheap. My dad and consumer guru Clark Howard would probably be great buddies if they met. Clark's motto is to help folks "save more, spend less, and not get ripped off." Ditto for my Dad. In fact, both he and Clark have been accused of being, ah, well, cheap.

But that word doesn't exactly fit. My dad's generous with the things that support his values--his time, ideas, laughter, encouraging words during a hard time. Not to mention he's generous with a pour of a wine at the end of a long day.

If the item or experience in question isn't tied to his values, he chooses cheap. If it supports his values, he chooses generosity. To make those distinctions, I now realize he's clear on what he values--and what he doesn't. Imagine how much simpler our decisions could be when we have our values straight.

4. Find a great partner to share your dreams. Somehow in the scant pickings of Rome, New York almost 47 years ago, my dad found my mom. (There are columns to write lauding her, too, but hey, one at a time.) She's been the critical partner in the business of creating and running a great life.

Today, even if you are lucky enough to have an awesome life partner or family, there is a wealth of other partners available to support you along the way. Coaches, teachers, and other advisors encourage you to see possibilities, help you plan actions, hold you accountable for moving forward and celebrating with you when you succeed along the way. (The latter is my favorite part!)

Even with a great family to encourage me, I still invest in coaching and mentoring on a regular basis. It helps me grow faster, break old habits and open my eyes to new perspectives. My dad's generation didn't have this kind of support like we do now. Maybe that's one way he wishes he could be more like me!
There are actually a lot more than four ways I could be more like my dad, but hopefully these are useful lessons for you. Maybe you can look at your own dad and see how you can learn from him.