In our increasingly connected world, we need each other to get things done, to make worthwhile things happen, and to make our lives better and easier. The problem is that we tend to connect when it's easy, and dissociate when it's not. Want to click with more people more of the time? Here's something easy and effective. Just try blending.

Trust happens in the resonant field of connection, and connection grows as trust develops. Indeed, if a person has enough trust in you, your persuasive power is incredible. All the other skills and strategies of persuasive communication depend on building trust. And how do you build trust, whether you have minutes, days, weeks or years? By blending.

The good news is, you already know how to blend. But if you don’t know how to do it on purpose, it’s likely to be the last thing you think of when you most need to do it! I realize that saying you already know how to do it is a huge assumption. So here’s a test. Do you have at least one friend? If you do, you know how to blend. If you don’t, you’re about to find out what’s been missing in your life.

Since blending is such a powerful way to connect, let us define terms. Blending is the means by which you reduce differences between yourself and others. Said another way, blending means that you send signals of similarity. It’s what you do automatically with your friends when you share experiences. It’s what happens when people share a vision or agree to a mission. You’ve heard of it this way. ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’ Fact is, we the people like people who are, in some way, like us.

Basic Rule

The irony of conflict is that everybody has more in common with everyone else than they have differences. But instead of emphasizing the similarities in policies, plans and relations, the differences all too often get all the attention. The result is that everybody who fixates on differences winds up in dealing with rejection, and nobody walks away happy. The reason for this is explained in the basic rule of communication: Nobody cooperates with anybody who seems to be against them. 

The key words in this rule are ‘seems to be.’ You don’t have to be against someone for them to think that you are. But in human relationships, whenever there is emotion involved (which pretty much defines human relationships!) there is just no middle ground. In every interaction, every person, first and foremost, looks and listens for an answer to one question. “Are you with me or not?” And if you’re not with them, if you’re neutral, or more focused on yourself than you are on them, you run the risk of coming across as against them. So learn this rule and learn it well. Say it with me now: Nobody cooperates with anybody who seems to be against them. Get it? Got it? Good!

How do we send signals of similarity to let people know we are on their side? Apparently, telling them is not enough. The signals get sent, not through our words alone, but through our body posture, animation level, facial expressions, voice volume and tempo, and then lastly, through our words.

Blending gives you a behavioral approach to increasing cooperation and trust. It helps you create a resonant field for clicking. And to get started, all that’s required of you is to pay attention to the person you are communicating with, and send them a few signals of similarity, so they’ll know you are on their side.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Rick Kirschner has delivered motivational speeches and training programs on The Art of Change to some of the best known organizations in the world, including NASA, Progressive Insurance, Starbucks and Texas Instruments. And he's delivered his ideas and advice on communication, persuasion and conflict resolution through radio and television appearances, newspaper and magazine articles and interviews, from CNBC to CBC to FOX to the Wall Street Journal, in USA Today,the London Times, Executive Excellence, Selling Power, and Readers Digest.

He is the author of the comprehensive communication program, 'Insider's Guide To The Art of Persuasion,' and coauthor of the international bestseller, Dealing With People You Can't Stand: How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst.' His next book, 'How To Click With People' will be published July 2011 from Hyperion Books

More information can be found on Dr. K's website,, and on Dr. K's blog,