From Lover to Leaver in One Easy Lesson

You begin by thinking the sun, moon and stars shine in the eyes of the man you love. You want to be with him every minute of every day. Your family and friends don't like him very much and they try to get you to re-think having a relationship. You decide that he will be all you will ever need and so you run away and get married.

At first, you and your new husband are alright for a short time. Love seems to be enough. Then he goes back to going out with his friends after work and on weekends. He comes home drunk or drugged and treats you like some of the horror stories you have seen on television. You cry and he says he is sorry. You believe him but he repeats the pattern again and again. Finally, after your fifth call to the police for domestic violence; your second trip to the hospital for broken bones; you decide that you will take the offer of the woman from the local battered women's shelter. Before the man you "love" can come back and talk you into going back home to the toxic situation, you go to the shelter.

The shelter works with you and arranges for you to move to another place where you cannot easily be found. Even though you are still tied to your husband by marriage, you are distancing yourself more from him every day. You attend group sessions and learn the damage a toxic relationship like yours can do to people and to a family. You realize that you have barely escaped with your life and your sanity and you make a vow to never go back.

The problem is, you may not be able to keep this vow unless you surround yourself with a network of people who can help you stand up for yourself. You have to build up your self worth and learn how to spot traits that can alert you to a relationship that is not a good one. You realize that you can't have a relationship with your husband no matter how much you think you may have once loved him. You also realize that you can't talk to him because he will try to get you to "come back home". You want him to seek help but you know he won't.

As the years go by you may fall in love again and want another marriage or relationship but you must always keep in mind that you come first in any relationship. You can never let theother person tell you that he has to come before yourself because of the mental damage it can cause. You can only do things now out of love for the other person and yourself. Just always remember, in any relationship, you can go from lover to leaver in one easy lesson.