Fighting Fair ~ Sustaining Relationships Through Conflict

Contrast and conflict is an inevitable part of a personal relationship, but it need not be malicious or agonizing. In fact, we all have within us the ability to sustain relationships, even when we deeply disagree. When we reach our breaking point (as we all do), and need to walk away, we can do so in ways that make it more likely that we will come back together.

Initially, the best thing to do is distance yourself from the situation and take some time to cool off. It’s best to take a walk or go for a drive alone to reflect and consider all perspectives of the argument. Search within to find common ground for compromise or forgiveness. A brief ‘time out’ can be greatly beneficial, as long as it is intended for you both to regain clarity and composure.

Fighting fair has obvious ethical guidelines such as having respect for the other person’s dignity. The one whom you are in conflict with should never lose their value as a human being. No matter how right you think you are and how wrong they may be, don’t deny their dignity; you will do more harm than good. Keep your drama private and stay away from name calling or publicly condemning one another, especially on social media sites. It is truly indecent and disgraceful to attack another person or broadcast your disapproval on the internet, as it may permanently damage their character as well as your own. Avoid involving others, as it can get messy and confusing when you complain to someone who may distort the situation with their limited awareness and biased opinions. Also consider how arguments may affect those around you, especially children, extended family and mutual friends.

Rather than point fingers and accuse one another, try approaching the issues at hand with this recommended strategy; I see, I think, I feel. Outline your peceived observations based on facts and recognized behaviors. Then clearly state what you think and how you feel about the specific issues at hand, followed by sincerely sharing how it affects you. Lastly, acknowledge the other person by confirming their point of view or what you think they are saying. With this type of comprehensible dialogue, it is much easier to come to an understanding and move forward in resolving your issues. It is also important to have empathy and try to identify with the other person and their position before fighting for your own. Sometimes it is easier to write things out, sharing how you feel in a clearly defined manner.

When confronted with a conflict, create conversation–not denigration–and strive to talk about what matters most in ways that hurt the least. Stay on the subject of discussion rather than perpetuating the debate by bringing up past issues or irrelevant matters. Women especially tend to dredge up all kinds of past contention and resentments to justify their position. Remind yourself that the only real justification for conflict with those you care about is that it addresses a specific issue, which is central to sustaining the relationship over time.

When you’re in the middle of a heated debate, it may be hard to think about intimacy. However pausing for a soothing loving embrace can sometimes ease the pain and anguish in the moment, as well as encourage both parties to speak from the heart in a caring and respectful way. When everything cools down, you may find that you have an even deeper connection than before. Intense discord can sometimes stir the pot enough to identify and overcome potential problems as they bubble up to the surface, thus creating a more favorable overall outcome.

The best part of resolving conflict is the make-up sex! By developing greater appreciation for one another and creating a stronger bond between you, the sex can be more intense than ever. Take advantage of these opportunities, as you find time to reconnect and rediscover your sexual passion. A nice sensual massage may be in order for both of you to ease the tension with taking turns offering some focused erogenous touch. For the best massage play, I recommend using a 2-in-1 Bodyglide + Lubricant called Sensual Massage. It's a fabulous product and goes a long way!

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” – Flavia Weedn