From the outside, someone will look like a whole human being; however, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to act like one. What this comes down to is that they could live on the surface of themselves.

Therefore, instead of being connected to their body and in tune with their needs and feelings, they will live in their head. They are then going to be a whole human being, but they will only have access to a small part of them.

The Norm

But, although they will be estranged from a large part of their consciousness, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of this. The reason for this is that this can just be what is normal, something that will stop how they experience life from standing out.

This could show that this is how they have experienced life for as long as they can remember. So, unless something changes, they could continue to experience life in this way for quite some time.

Outer Directed

Now, as they are out of touch with a number of their needs and feelings, they are likely to look outside of themselves for guidance. Once again, this can be something that just takes place.

As a result of this, they won’t be aware of the fact that they look towards others for guidance. By being this way, they are typically going to neglect themselves and they are unlikely to live a life that is very fulfilling.

A Monotonous Existence

Additionally, they could live a life that is very repetitive and lacks a great deal of pleasure or joy. If so, they could spend a lot of time very low and depressed and even have moments when they feel suicidal.

Still, living in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable and they are then not going to have the need to do anything about it. Or if they do think about what is going on and how they would like their life to change, that could be about as far as it will go.

External Structure

As repetitive and bleak as their life may be, there is a strong chance that it will play a part in allowing them to keep it together. Even if they come across as strong and together, this is likely to be an illusion.

Behind how they come across is likely to be someone who doesn’t have firm foundations. If what is going on externally was to change and they were to change their behaviour, they could feel all at sea emotionally.

A Half-Life

At this point, it could seem strange as to why someone would live on the surface of themselves and be out of touch with most of their needs and feelings. Ultimately, for them to live a life that reflects who they are and for them to receive what they need to be able to thrive, they will need to be in touch with their needs and feelings.

This is because they won’t need to be reliant on external guidance and will know how to behave. What this will also do is allow them to embrace new situations as they will be able to be flexible as opposed to acting like a programmed machine that only has a few ways of behaving.


Furthermore, if they were connected to their body, they would be able to feel strong and together. This would stop them from being overly reliant on external structure in order to feel strong and keep it together.

In other words, they would be able to act like an interdependent human being as opposed to being dependent. Taking all this into account, the sooner they are able to step back and reflect on their life, the better.

What’s going on?

If they do get to the point where they can see that they don’t have a good connection with themselves, they could wonder what is going on. What this may illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing.

This may have been a time when they were deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way and were deeply traumatised. From the moment they were born and for a number of years after, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care.

A Brutal Time

They would then have been connected to their body when they were born and connected to their needs and feelings, but they would have soon lost touch with themselves. This would have been something that took place automatically.

Their brain would have repressed the pain and arousal that they were in and they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. What would have replaced their true self, so the embodied connection that they had, would have been a false self.

A Matter of Survival

This self would have been focused on what was going on externally and done what it could to be approved of and accepted by their parent or parents. Most of their needs and feelings would have been split off and this would have set them up to live a very bleak existence.

However, as unfulfilling as their life will be now that they are an adult, reacting in this way and losing themselves during this time will have kept them alive. This false self will need a lot of external structure as it won’t be built on firm foundations; it will be built on a lot of pain and arousal.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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