What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they have the tendency to eat when they are emotionally unsettled. This can be something that takes place every now and then.

Alternatively, this could take place a few times a week or it might be more often. Either way, this is likely to be something that they want to put to an end, due to the pain that it is causing them.

A Common Occurrence

So, when they are feeling unsettled, they could soon reach out for something to eat. There could be a certain food item that they like to eat or there could be a number of items.

Furthermore, they might generally eat something or a number of things that are not very healthy, or this might not be the case. And, regardless of what they eat, it might have a big impact on their appearance or it might not.

Two Sides

If it does, they can carry a lot of weight and this can be something that has a negative effect on how they feel about themselves. Consequently, not only can they feel bad after they have eaten but they will feel bad about the impact that it is having on their appearance and health.

On the other hand, if it doesn’t, they can feel bad about what they have eaten and bad about what it is doing to their body. They can know that although they are not putting on a lot of weight, it is still not good for their health.

A Closer Look

Now, if they were to take a look at what is going on for them before they reach out for something to eat, they could find that they usually feel sad, lonely and empty. They are then going to need to connect to another person and be supported.

If they were to go deeper, they could find that they feel unloved and worthless, for instance. But, instead of reaching out to another person, they end up reaching out for food instead.

An Automatic Process

Still, this is not to say that they typically think, “I feel down and I need to eat something to feel better”. This can be something that largely takes place without them consciously thinking about it.

If so, how they feel and what they actually need is going to be a mystery in most cases. What this illustrates is how much of an effect their unconscious mind has on how they behave and how they don’t need to be aware of a need for it to impact their life.

Nothing New

If they were to think about how long they behaved in this way, they could find that they have been this way for many years. They may even find that they used to eat to feel better during their childhood.

If this is the case, they could be very angry about what is going on and with themselves for not being able to change their behaviour. But, if they are, what they can keep in mind is that they have been doing the best that they can and that they deserve their compassion.

What’s going on?

Assuming that they have been this way for a very long time, there is a chance that their early years played a big part in why they are this way. This may have been a stage of their life when they were deprived and deeply wounded.

Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them. It would then have been normal for them to not be seen and heard and to be rejected and abandoned.

Out of reach

Not being able to attach to and bond with their mother and perhaps their father, then, would have meant that a number of their developmental mental needs were rarely if ever met. They would have had to lose touch with these needs.

And, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something wrong with them and their needs. In reality, their mother and perhaps their father were also likely to have had a very similar childhood and, thus, were unable to provide them with the love that they needed.

The Fall Out

Of course, this stage of their life will be over, but they will be carrying a lot of pain, unmet developmental needs, and still see their needs as being bad. Thanks to a big part of them being anchored to their past, they won’t feel comfortable reaching out to another person and even if they do, they are likely to expect to be criticised, rejected, and even harmed.

Yet, when they reach out for food, they are not going to be criticised, rejected, or harmed. They are also not going to feel unworthy of having food, which is why this will be something that feels comfortable to a big part of them.

The Truth

Taking this into account, purely focusing on what they eat and trying to control themselves is not going to get to the root of what is going on. For them to truly change, they will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Along with this, they will need to develop a new relationship with their needs. Having needs is part of being an interdependent human being, so their needs are not bad or shameful.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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