Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Stop Someone From Developing An Energetic Boundary?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they find it hard to feel safe. Due to this, they can spend a lot of time feeling exposed, with it being normal for them to feel anxious and even fearful.

The outcome of this is that they are seldom going to feel settled and this will take its toll on their mental, emotional and physical health. In many ways, they are going to be like a leaf that is constantly being tossed around by the wind.

Self Expression

As they seldom feel safe, they are also likely to spend a lot of time focused on and pleasing others. In general, this can be something that just takes place without them needing to think about it.

Therefore, who they are is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day and their life is not going to be very fulfilling. It can be as if they are typically just going through the motions in life and are merely surviving, not thriving.

One Area

Due to this, if they are in an intimate relationship, they can be used to saying yes when they would rather say no and doing things that they would rather not do. They might even be with someone who continually takes advantage of them and is even abusive.

If this is the case, being walked over and violated will be the norm and this will make their life even worse than it would be otherwise. But, as they don’t feel safe enough to stand up for themselves, this is likely to continue.

External Feedback

If they were to talk to a friend about what is going on for them, they could be told that they need to stand up for themselves and start saying no. Moreover, this friend could make it clear that they don’t deserve to be treated in this way.

Alternatively, they might be in a relationship but they could still talk to their friend about how they are walked over. Their friend could then say the same thing and be very supportive.

Another Scenario

If they are not in an intimate relationship, it could show that they don’t feel safe enough to get this close to another person. There is then a chance that they haven’t been in an intimate relationship.

If this is so, not getting emotionally close to another will be a way for them to stop themselves from experiencing even more anxiety and fear. This will deprive them of the connection and affection that they need but this will just be what feels safe.

Another Part

If they do feel safe it could be because they are by themselves and are in the woods or are at home, for instance. The containment that these two environments provide will then allow them to feel settled and experience a sense of control.

Conversely, when they are not in an environment where there is something external that serves as a protective container, they will typically feel wide open and unsafe. This will be the experience that they usually have in a public place and are surrounded by people and may have when they are by the sea.

One View

What can soon enter their mind is why they don’t feel safe enough to be in their body and freely express themselves. If they were to look back on their life, they might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

Consequently, they could believe that they were just born this way and there is very little that they can do. Yet, even if they do come to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth.

What’s going on?

The reason they are this way can be due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they didn’t receive the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.
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So, practically from the moment that they were born, they might have often been left when they needed attention and received attention at the wrong moments. This would have caused them to miss out on the physical contact, among other things, that they needed.

A Brutal Time

Not being touched and held when they needed would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. This would have stopped them from being able to feel safe and stay rooted in their body, undermined their ability to attach to their parent or parents, and impacted their brain and body’s ability to develop in the right way, among other things.

As they were powerless and dependent, they were unable to change their parent or parents or to find another family; the only option was for their brain to repress how they felt and a number of their needs. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on, of course, but it would have stopped them from being consciously aware of the pain they were in and allowed them to keep it together and function.

A Different Reality

If they had received the touch, among other things, that they needed, a stage of their life when they were boundaryless and felt exposed would have been a time when they felt safe and supported. Thanks to this, they would have gradually developed a separate sense of self and an energetic or ‘ego’ boundary around them.

This would have allowed them to stay rooted in their body and connected to their needs and feelings. And, as they would have been able to attach to their parent or parents, this would have allowed them to feel safe and secure enough to attach to and bond with others as the years passed.

Moving Forward

For them to change this area of their life, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.