Don't Just DO Something, SIT There!

Un-Game Principle: Beware of driven behavior. Although valued in American culture, it’s not always the best course of action.

I was on a radio show recently, and it was a complete bust for me.

I’m not innocent in the matter. There are plenty of things I could have done differently. I could have listened to a previous show. I could have paid attention to previous guests (knowing that a Donald Trump surrogate had been a guest might have given me pause). I could have asked questions before the show when I realized that no one would brief me ahead of time. I didn’t.

That said there’s always something cool to learn or relearn. I learned again how much we love prescriptive lists for changing behaviors. If you want to have no regrets, do 1, 2, 3, and 4. Do it and regret no more! Do the steps on your list and become the slender beauty or the muscled jock of your dreams! We love “How To” books. We love the quick fix. The radio show host was no exception. She pressed me for a list of how to get over regret of the past.

Searching for the quick fix as exemplified by many a prescriptive list may be driven behavior we’ve come to see as normal and desirable. Especially in the meteor-paced world of business. It’s a familiar way to deal with obstacles or patterns of behavior. “I have a problem. Quick! What are the solutions?” Never mind that it may not even be a problem. Never mind that perhaps we’re not articulating the correct problem. Never mind that what we perceive as the problem may be more nuanced than a quick solution can address. And yet, we’re attracted to prescriptive lists as bees are to honey. If this one doesn’t solve our problem, maybe the next one will be the right list. Or maybe we’re just not doing this list right.

“What’s wrong with the list? What’s wrong with me?”

The radio show hosts knows what we want. We want to feel we’re OK, that there’s nothing wrong with us, or if there is, we can fix it. And we want the right prescription NOW.
You are OK. There is nothing wrong with you. And there is nothing to fix. Recognizing symptoms of driven behavior is the first step to not playing into the hands of the driven behavior. Here’s a list of symptoms.

“What? A list?” you ask. “Didn’t you just say?…”

“Yes. I did. But notice. This list is not prescriptive!” Here’s how you can recognize driven behavior in yourself.

Could recognizing driven behavior be useful to you?

1. Repetition: You think or do something repeatedly even if it doesn’t get you where you want to go. For example, you want to delegate but routinely end up doing the work yourself.
2. Fleeting Satisfaction: Checking stuff off your “ to do” list only to create another one just as long.
3. Perfectionism: Comparing yourself to an unattainable standard and then “should-ing” all over yourself for not reaching it.

Driven behavior wastes the precious energy you can better focus on achieving your goals and dreams. To interrupt driven behavior you must first notice it. Once you do, try this (as exploration not prescription). Ask yourself: “What’s in my control?” “What do I need to let go of that’s not in my control?” “What’s really important to me?” “Would a ‘TO NOT DO’ list give me some breathing room?” “What would be the first thing on it? The second?” “Am I willing to create such a list even though I hear screams of protest from that pesky chatter?” Concentrate on what you can control. Talk to someone who won’t collude with you. Are you willing to be uncomfortable to see what the discomfort has to teach you rather than jump to your prescriptive “to do” list?

Exploration gives you your own answers. It also doesn’t make you stop after you get your first answer. You can ask again based on what you’ve become aware of when you asked the first time.

Growing is not quick. Rather than shopping for a prescription, consider yourself a gardener. Prepare the soil. Consider what you want to grow. What’s important to you and to your hopes and dreams? Growing doesn’t have to be hard work, but it does take time, good soil, sun, and water. In a garden you don’t go from seed to harvest in an instant. Neither do you in growing your Self. You might try on this sage piece of advice: Don’t just DO something. SIT there! Find your own wisdom. Driven behavior is not always the best course of action.