Do you and your partner have each other’s back or are you operating more in a mode of attack?

We wouldn’t be human if we did not experience times in our lives that challenged us. It’s natural that certain events, people and our own behaviour will trigger fear, anger, stress, jealousy, overwhelm, guilt from time to time. This is a normal part of being alive. We may not be able to control the circumstances but we can control how we deal with situations and choose our response.

Even though our happiness is ultimately up to us, what can make difficult times easier is feeling supported by our loved ones. Having each other’s back fosters martial closeness and connection and without it sometimes it can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. If the world seems to be against you and you feel your partner is on your side, it can make all the difference.

There are several ways you and your partner can have each other’s back. Look at the below ways and first see if you have their back, rather than assess them. If you are not giving something change it and see the magic unfold in your relationship. Or you may want to share this and work on it together to increase your happiness and passion.
6 Ways to Have Each Other’s Back

Marriage Advice Tip 1. Support each other’s roles
You probably decided at some point in your relationship who was going to be taking care of different things in the relationship and everyday life. From finances, career, family, social actives, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc. Supporting each other to fulfil the agreed roles and covering each other when one has too much going on, is a great way to have each other’s back in marriage.

Marriage Advice Tip 2. Support through sickness
What actually prompted me to write about this topic was an awful bout of food poisoning, I say awful because I have never experienced anything quite like it before. I was so weak, I couldn’t even stand up, I slept solidly for 55 hours and found it difficult to stand. It reminded me of so many couples I support who share how great they feel when their partner is loving when they are sick or how upset they get when their partner trivialises their sickness or shows no empathy.

What about you? Do you nurture your husband/wife when they are unwell? Do you cover for them? Do you listen to them if they are feeling down, anxious, emotional? Nothing is nicer than the gift of a love and kindness when your suffering. Sometimes even at my age when I feel like reaching out to my mum when I am sick because she always greets me with heartfelt sympathy it’s comforting.
We remember these things. Whether you support each other through ill-health can make or break a relationship., I see it most commonly with a depressed mood following major life changes, such as unemployment, a new baby, death of a loved one, etc When the husband or wife is unsympathetic, uncaring or avoids the issue, it can crush the relationship and break trust. If this is your situation, get in touch with me straight away on how to fix it.

Marriage Advice Tip 3 Reading and accepting all emotional states

Being responsive to our partner’s emotional state is key to living in harmony. Stress and tiredness are something we all suffer from time to time, it is part of living in today’s face-paced, digital era. If your partner overreacts because they are stressed and irritable do you support them by letting it go or not making a big deal of it? Or do you bicker back?

What about times you or your partner are feeling insecure, jealous or threatened. Do you support them by addressing their fears with loving reassurance? Do you give them the attention and appreciation they are craving?

Another way you can help your partner and the relationship is by noticing a change in mood and checking to see if you may have unintentionally triggered something in them… For example, asking things like “Are you okay?” “Did I upset you in some way?”

Marriage Advice Tip 4 Speak only kind words
I often hear couples say:

“We’re only together for the children.”

“I don’t know why we’re even married, some days”

“I’m not sure I’m in love with you anymore”

“You’re crazy, controlling, grumpy, lazy, an idiot, too emotional, too sensitive, a head case, a jerk…”

“You don’t really care about me”

“We made a mistake getting married / pregnant so quickly”

“Our relationship ended a long time ago.”

When such statements are made it will not only damage how you see and treat your partner, it will also create hostility, fear and separation in the relationship. If either one of you is insecure, hurt or confused, it is not going to create that loving deep connectedness we all seek.

Marriage Advice Tip 5. Give praise
Supporting each other is giving praise, appreciation and admiration. A Harvard business report found that the best performing team in a study had a praise to criticism ratio of 5.6 in employee feedback. That is nearly 6 positive comments for every negative. Imagine what that would do for your relationship if you praised them 6 times for every complaint? It would be amazing I am sure, try it and see. Keep tabs on yourself.

When we frequently let our partner’s know that we love them when we show them in our behaviour that we respect and admire them, when we speak highly of them to others we are having their back. The opposite is making fun of, criticizing and complaining about one another.

Marriage Advice Tip 6. Shared and supported dreams
We all have dreams and expectations for the way we want our lives to play out. Whilst we rarely get all that we want, sharing and supporting each other to achieve our dreams no matter how small or big can be a loving way to connect and have each other’s back.

You may be reading this and thinking we do all of this already if that is the case great. If not, my wish for you is that this serves as a gentle reminder to listen and love more openly. Life can sometimes get in the way of who we truly are and I don’t want that for you and your marriage.

Have a great week ahead, from my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S If you want to strengthen or fix your relationship, then download my 7 secrets to fixing your relationship. It’s designed to give you 7 clear tips on what to do to break free from the past and start a whole new way forward.
https://training.nicolabeer.com/7-secrets-marriage

Author's Bio: 

Nicola Beer is an International Relationship & Divorce Coach who helps her clients find peace and create a new beginning after Marriage Breakdown and Divorce. This includes helping couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing.

As well as helping clients during and after Divorce to manage stress, create more income and adjust to new financial realities, redefine who they are, create a new social life, and when they are ready to attract someone great. Nicola also runs 2 parenting programs that support children through and after divorce

Nicola has combined 11 years' experience helping people with emotional issues. This comprises 7 years private coaching and 4 years as a volunteer for the Samaritans where she supported callers dealing with any emotional distress. She is UK certified in Coaching, Grief Recovery for Adults and Children, NLP, Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis.

Nicola's passion for supporting people before, during and after divorce comes from her own childhood, where due to the stress of divorce her mother suffered a mental breakdown. As 1 of 5 children the divorce was devastating for her family and affected each of her family in different ways. More recently Nicola's older sister with 4 children is going through a difficult divorce. Having experienced and seen the pain and stress associated with divorce Nicola is focused on proving solutions. She knows divorce doesn't have to mean disaster and takes her clients and their children from surviving to thriving. She is equally passionate about saving marriages, so has a program to overcome relationship problems.

Nicola works with expats and locals, Muslims and Non-Muslims from all over the world, mainly from Dubai, London, India, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, either in person for a 2 day intensive package or further afield US, Australia via video conference and phone.