What causes anger and how is it managed effectively? The following article addresses these two principles concerns, themselves instrumental in learning to control one's anger. To this end, this article is helpful for anyone who gets angry from time to time or has difficulty understand their partner’s or child’s anger issues.

One of the first things you need to know is what causes anger:
- stress
- life events
- frustration
- fear
- resentment
- feeling hurt
- feeling judged

We all feel anger from time to time. No one is immune. It is how we handle anger, that will lead to understanding and a cooperative outcome or will lead to destructive reactions which will damage relationships.

Here are some tips that will help:

1. Take deep breaths. Take a deep breath in by counting from 1-4, then hold it by counting from 1-4, then let it out through your mouth by counting from 1-6. Do this 3 times. Use it whenever you are feeling stressed or annoyed.

2. Exercise. When you are feeling upset, take a walk or go to the gym. You will feel much better afterwards and if there is still a problem to be solved, you will be more likely to handle it better.

3, Take time out. Just walk away if you are feeling very angry. Whatever you have to say can wait until you are calmer.

4 Become aware of your triggers. If you notice that traffic stresses you out, for example, plan to bring your favourite CD with you the next time your out driving,

5. The real secret is to recognize when you are upset, angry, or frustrated before it gets too far. On a scale of 1-10, if you are already a 7 or 8, whatever discussion you feel you need to address, will not go well at this level. Even if you are 100% correct, your anger and tone will be all that is heard. Take your “anger temperature” a few times a day. Whenever you find yourself a 4 or more, that’s the time to do some of these techniques to bring it down to a 2. Every time you do this you will be more successful

6. Learning how to assert yourself will go far to giving you the tools to handle anger constructively.

7. Yoga and meditation also help to keep you calm and let things go.

8. Become aware of your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself when you feel angry? This will give you a clue to your triggers. When you are saying these things to yourself, you are fueling your anger, “It isn’t fair” or, “He isn’t treating me with respect” or “She isn’t listening”. Those self-talk thoughts justify the explosion. Trying to see the problem from the other’s point of view, or seeing them as well-intentioned will help to avert another explosion.

I leave you all with an empowerment quote, one which I feel successfully illustrates the the virtues of love and its measurement thereafter:

"Love is not measured by how many times you touch each other but by how many times you reach each other." Cathy Morancy

Warmest regards,


Author's Bio: 

Rhonda Rabow, M.A.

Author's Bio Rhonda Rabow is an author and a psychotherapist living in Montreal, Quebec Canada. She has over 25 years experience counseling individuals, couples and families facing a variety of life challenges; from parenting, grief, depression, and self-esteem issues, to conflict resolution and marriage counseling. Her approach is empowerment and she accomplishes this by helping her clients find solutions to their problems and teaching them the skills and tools they need to feel back in control of their lives. She has also recently published an e-book called, "Discover the 3 secrets to living happily ever after".