Developing an Attitude of Self-Confidence

Have you noticed that the most successful women entrepreneurs have a different way of talking, thinking and being than you do? Have you watched Oprah on her TV show and thought: What a great attitude! How can I be like her?

Great news! You can be just like these women. How do you do that? By changing your attitudes and your actions, right now.

The good news is that we each have the power to change, and we can start changing whenever we want, for example, NOW.

The good news, and the bad news, is that it’s our INDIVIDUAL responsibility. No one else is holding us back. So that flushing noise you hear now is all our excuses for "why things are the way they are" going down the toilet.

How do you change your attitudes? You do that by thinking different thoughts about yourself and your situation. At first, this takes conscious effort. All the strategies in this article are ways to develop an increased sense of self-confidence.

The other part is changing your actions. If what you are doing hasn’t led to the success you want, however you personally and uniquely define your success, then you need to act differently. As Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

The combination of different attitudes and different actions leads to a different you, a more powerful you, as well as a more relaxed and loving you.

More good news: your attitudes and actions are intertwined. Once you change one of them, the other will follow.

There’s tremendous power in action. If you take the right actions, success and all the associated feelings will follow along.

As you cultivate a more self-confident attitude, you will consistently feel like you are unstoppable and that feeling in turn leads you into action. Because you know what to do and you feel good about your ability to do it.

Whether you start by focusing on attitudes or on actions, you end up on a journey that includes developing a successful mindset and successful ways of acting. Eventually, all of this — the attitudes and the skills — becomes internalized and you have a new way of being. It’s effortless.

Here are some techniques to help you develop an attitude of success and self-confidence.

For one week, begin your work-day with one of the first three techniques. Before you do anything else, tell yourself your WHY story, or close your eyes and envision being the Queen, or close your eyes and envision how your hero would approach the day.

During your day, if you’re uncertain how to proceed, or you’re feeling down, take a break and try another technique.

1. Create your own WHY story

Remind yourself why this is the right idea (e.g., being a team leader or striving for a big goal for your company), why you are the right person to be doing this, and why now is the right time. Tell yourself that story repeatedly. If you like listening to information, tape record yourself telling that story and listen to it as needed.

Reminding yourself of your story helps build self-confidence, because too often we focus on the disconnects or shortcomings in our stories. "I started studying business in college, but I never really liked that, then I got into that job in sales, but I hated my boss and the way he pressured us to get sales, and now I’m trying direct sales and who knows whether that will work!"

In your story, look for your truest skills and desires and the many ways they have appeared throughout your life. You may have always had a gift for helping people, for putting them at ease, or for educating people. You may be great with fashion and design, with technology, or at creating a beautiful home.

I have a long version of my WHY story, that starts back with getting my degree in computer science. It reminds me of my unique set of abilities (including perseverance and love of learning) and experiences (including starting my own company twice and building up a $1M+ company), and how those have shaped me and given me a gift that I am now sharing with others.

2. Envision the Queen

Imagine that you are the benevolent and absolute ruler of your kingdom. People love and admire you. You have complete power, which is made visible by the crown you wear and the golden staff you carry. Visualize yourself wearing the crown, holding your staff, walking towards the throne, and being seated. How do you feel? Next, a high-ranking official comes in to ask you the question that’s been on your mind. How do you respond?

3. What would your hero do?

Choose someone you particularly admire: Oprah, the top person in your company, your spiritual hero. What would they do if they were in your shoes? It’s funny how often you don’t know what to do, and at the same time, you will be certain exactly what your hero would do!

4. Enlist your support system

One wrinkle on this is from Alecia Huck, a coach and motivational speaker. She has trained her girlfriends so that when she calls them in a down mood, they immediately start to remind her of how great she is. And that always works, because she gave them the script to follow!

In general, your friends and family will have a clear idea of how well-equipped you truly are for what you’re doing. They can remind you that you are in fact doing the right thing, you’re doing it well, and you’re making a difference.

One big exception to enlisting your loved ones: you have to avoid the nay-sayers. Unfortunately, some of your loved ones may be nay-sayers. Whenever you make a change in your life, other people can feel threatened by that, either because they worry it may disrupt their existing relationship with you, or because they are projecting onto you their own fears about how they would face your challenge. If they can’t support you, they at least need to stay neutral. If they can’t stay neutral, you may need to avoid discussing the topic altogether.

5. Take action

Remember that attitude and action are intertwined; one affects the other. No matter how you feel now, you will feel better after you take action. I am a huge believer in the power of a positive attitude. And sometimes, it’s just not present. During those times, you just need to take the next step, and then the next, no matter how you’re feeling. After you’ve taken the action (and left your desk, taken a walk outside, called a girlfriend, had a glass of wine, and gotten a good night’s sleep), you’ll have a different perspective.

A big part of your success will come from managing your attitudes. Being self-confident while taking action will take you a long way on the road to success.

When next year rolls around, you can be enjoying your recent successes, radiating self-confidence and ease, and wearing a fabulous pair of shoes. You can start your journey today. The first step is easy — all you need to do is think a different thought and take a different action. It’s all in your hands, and in your mind.

Call to Action

For the next 7 days, use one of the first three techniques every day. At the end of the week, ask yourself whether these techniques helped you move through your day more easily