At this point in time, someone could find it hard to understand why they are experiencing life in a certain way. Based on the life that they lead, they can believe that they shouldn’t be the way that they are.

The reason for this is that their life could be good in so many ways and yet they can often be depressed. As a result of this, it can be as though what is going on for them internally is completely irrational.

A Mismatch

When it comes to what their life is like, they could have good health, they could live in an uplifting environment, they could have good friends, and they could have a good job. Additionally, they may or may not be in an intimate relationship and they could be in a very good position financially.

On this level, then, they will appear to have just about everything. Now, this is not to say that their life is perfect but they certainly won’t be living on the street, going hungry or isolated from others, for instance.

Keeping It in

Thanks to what their life is like, they could feel guilty and ashamed for not being able to truly embrace the life that they lead. Moreover, they could feel deeply ungrateful and thus, have the need to keep what is going on for them to themselves.

They could believe that if they were to open up to someone, they could end up being told that they have no reason to be depressed as their life is going so well. Due to this, they won’t be seen as having the right to not be full of happiness and gratitude.

Weighed Down

If they do keep what is going on for them to themselves, it is going to take a lot of energy for them to pretend that everything is fine. And, as they are not in a good place, they are not going to have a great deal of energy to spare.

So, sooner or later, they could end up opening up to a close friend or family member and what they fear will happen, might happen. If it does, they could end up feeling guilty and ashamed.

External Feedback

They could be told that they simply need to focus on what their life is like and not get caught up in their ‘negative’ thoughts. Furthermore, they could be told that their ‘negative’ thoughts are defining how they feel.

By having the right thoughts, then, they will be able to change how they experience life. If they were to heed this advice, they may find that it is not long before they start to feel better; then again, this approach might not have any effect whatsoever.

A Closer Look

Assuming that this approach doesn’t work and even if it does, as it might not last, it will be clear that it is not their ‘negative’ thoughts that are causing them to experience life in this way. Most likely, their thoughts will be a reflection of what is taking place for them at a deeper level.

These thoughts are then providing them with valuable feedback and are not the problem per se, which is why replacing them with ‘positive’ thoughts is not the answer. Another part of them is not going to be on board with the life that they lead and this is why there is a mismatch.

Two Levels

What needs to be acknowledged at this stage is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind; they also have an unconscious mind. This other, bigger part of them contains denied parts of them, unmet needs from their childhood and adulthood, and pain, amongst other things.

Considering this, perhaps the reason that they are not happy with the life that they lead, even though they appear to have it all, is because it is not a life that is in alignment with their true self. If they were connected to their needs and feelings, they might soon end up changing the life that they lead so that it is in alignment with who they really are.

Another Element

At the same time, the life that they lead might be in alignment with who they are but they could also be unconsciously trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. But, as this stage of their life is over and it is too late for them to receive this love, it won’t matter what they do.

The outcome of this is that no matter what they do or how fulfilling their life is, they will still experience a deep sense of being deprived and will feel hopeless and helpless as they won’t be able to receive what a big part of them desperately wants to receive. Yet, as they are not consciously aware of what is going on for them at this level, how they feel will naturally be seen as irrational.


What this illustrates is how important it is for someone to explore what is taking place inside their unconscious mind. If this part of them is overlooked, it will be normal for inaccurate assessments to be made by both themselves and others.

For example, their mind can just appear to be playing up and their thoughts and feelings can appear to be irrational. By realising that there is another part of them, though, it will be easier to get to the bottom of what is going on.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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