Custody and Moving: the Decision That Is Best for the Children

Every couple that is involved in a divorce has to make a decision about custody and moving. The key element in the decision should be what is best for the children, especially in the beginning when they must adjust to a new situation. Of course, if there are financial or safety concerns the situation is different but in most cases it is better for the children if both parents are in the immediate vicinity. This doesn't mean you have to rent an apartment in the same complex where your spouse lives or buy a house in the same neighborhood, but if you can remain close enough for the children to see your spouse a few times a week you have the ideal situation.
When it comes to custody and moving, there is nothing more traumatic for a child than seeing his parents split up and move too far away from him or her to see both parents on a regular basis. It's important in the early days to make sure you provide a strong support system for your children, and some of the things you can do to make the transition to a one-parent family structure include the following:
• Instead of set visiting days and times allow your spouse the freedom to see the children as much as possible provide it doesn't conflict with things you need to do.
• If you need to go out and your spouse is available, ask him or her to babysit instead of hiring a sitter. If finances create the need for a second job, you can also enlist the services of your ex if there is no conflict in the schedule.
• Try to include the spouse in birthday parties for the children—at least during the first year.
• If you have an open door policy for visitation be sure you set some ground rules on pick up and drop off times. Make sure your spouse knows you may make plans while the children are gone, so barring an emergency you will not expect them back until the agreed upon time.
Avoiding the issue of custody and moving too far away does not work for everyone, it is certainly an alternative for those who are able to at least communicate civilly with their ex-spouses. The more contact children have with both parents following a divorce, the easier the transition will be. That doesn't mean you have to invite him or her for dinner or engage in a family dinner out although there is certainly nothing wrong with those options. The important thing is to remain friendly (at least in front of the children) and never talking negatively to the children about your ex-spouse. Avoid the issue of custody and moving and instead focus on remaining in close proximity in order to allow your children the opportunity to remain in close contact with both parents. Not only is this the idea situation, but your children will remain happier and healthier as well.