Communication in Relationships

Good communication in relationships is a result of skills that can be learned. How to listen is a huge first step in developing healthy communication in your relationships. Even more so, learning what to listen for is another key.

David Schwartz says, “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.” It is natural for me to monopolize a conversation. I must make a concerted effort to listen more than I speak. Even though I have improved over the years, I still have to force myself to slow down and give the other person plenty of time to say what is on their mind.

The following are 4 effective methods of developing healthy communication in relationships.

1. Mirroring – It happens every time we give our order at the drive-through. Once we place our order, for the sake of clarification, the person repeats our order back to us .

This is not only helpful when we are placing an order at our favorite fast-food restaurant, but it’s also an effective tool in communication with others. In order to make sure we have understood clearly, it is helpful at times to repeat back what we have heard. For example, “What I hear you saying is”…… If we have misunderstood, then it gives the other person an opportunity to clarify what they are trying to say.

2. Words of life – In a previous article entitled; Words of Encouragement, I address the power of our words. When it comes to words of encouragement, I’m sure you’ve heard the saying,” Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Most of us can remember times when we have been subjected to hurtful words, careless comments or victims of gossip. We also know how painful those times can be. Jerome P Fleishman says,” Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement -and we will make the goal.”

In addition, not only is what we say is important, but also how we say it. Remarkably, 7 % of communication is through words, 38 % is through tone of voice and 55 % is through non-verbal signals.

3. Keep it salty – Another effective method of communication in relationships is to make sure you are “salting” your communication with words that make your message relevant to your listener.

When we read about Jesus’ interactions with others, we see He always made sure that He had their full attention. To accomplish this, Jesus always brought the conversation close to home. For example, when speaking with the woman at the well, it didn’t take long before the conversation changed from talking about water to addressing her relationships with men.

How does this look for us? Often times, if Bonnie doesn’t feel like I am listening, our conversation may sound like this; “Mike, if we don’t finalize these travel plans by Wednesday, It will cost us twice as much.” At that point she says the words, “cost twice as much” – she has my undivided attention!

4. Paint a Picture – Word pictures are an effective way to communicate what we are feeling. An example of a word picture would be; “When you talk to me like that, it makes me feel like a little girl who is being scolded by her father.”

Word pictures are also effective when communicating positive feelings and encouragement. In the Bible, God communicated His promise to Abraham by having Abraham look at the stars of the sky, telling Abraham that would be the number of descendents God would give him.

These simple methods of communication in relationships will not only increase the accuracy of what is being said, but will result in a greater emotional connection with your friends and loved ones.