Changing the Habits of Parenting

When you adopt the parenting habits covered in these classes, here is the dream you can make true for you…
Think of the most fun you have had with your kids. Now you can have as much of that as you and they want. Think of the peaceful, quiet times. You get those too, as much as you and they want. Think of the serious, focused, learning, getting things done times. Those are yours too, as much as you both want…
Imagine your child smiling, laughing, moving joyfully through life…looking with wonder at life’s beauty and mystery, experiencing the thrill of discovery, the challenge of adventure, fulfilling their gifts, living a life full of blessings.
What I am going to share with you today helps you see things in a way you may not have seen them before. These insights create an unshakable foundation, empowering you to change the parenting habits that you decide to change. It makes life so much simpler for everyone and much, much more enjoyable.
• Root Cause
First let’s get to the nitty gritty of conflict, especially the conflict between adults and kids.
In just about anything you can think of there can be differences between two people.
Picture this: no one has the same point of view. That means that no one physically looks out of your eyes, except you. If two or more people are looking at the same thing, each person’s point of view is different, if only slightly. And that’s just the beginning of differences.
That’s not to say that we don’t have many things in common, but when we have differences that seem to oppose each other, and do not know how to resolve them in a humane and peaceful manner, conflict develops.
When the relationship between adults and kids is involved, the Invisible Root Cause comes into the picture. Root Cause: because it is the interactive cause of the problems. Invisible: because although it’s one of the most common ways for adults to treat kids, it’s never talked about. It’s as if it were invisible. In case you haven't yet learned about the Invisible Root Cause of problems that develop between kids and adults, it's this:
 It’s an attitude that adults have been programmed with from the time they were children. It dictates how they are to relate to the kids under their care. As an eight-year-old boy once told me, “They treat me like I’m a slave!” The attitude that adults have developed says, "I'm in charge. I get to have things the way I want. I can make you do what I say, in fact, it’s my duty to do so. And I don’t care what you want!"
Believing that just because you are the adult, you get to have things just the way you have thought of having them, without any consideration necessary for any kids involved is bound to create a situation of conflict. It’s conflict waiting to happen.
This attitude, the Invisible Root Cause, adds to the conflicts that develop because everyone has differences, and often people don’t have the skills to resolve their differences peacefully.
I’m sure you can imagine some of the differences: differences in interests (some of us like to read and some of us would rather play video games), differences in beliefs (some of us believe in ‘the work ethic’ and some of us believe that ‘life is a playground’), differences in values (some of us value cooperation and some of us value competition), differences in likes and dislikes (some of us like chili and some of us don’t).
You may say that conflicts with kids develop because the kids did something you didn’t like, or that made you mad, or that was wrong, but the differences between you are at the basis of what they did and what your reaction is.
Think about it: when you are angry with your children it’s because they wanted one thing and you wanted another, whether it was over bedtimes (you wanted them to go to bed – they wanted to stay up), homework (you wanted them to do their homework – they wanted to watch TV), chores (you wanted them to do their chores – they wanted to go to their friend’s)...whatever the issue.
Learning how to harmonize differences and resolve the resulting conflicts in a humane and peaceful manner is what Harmonizing With Kids is all about. What you learn in the other Trainings in the Positive Respect (Power of Respect) Series helps you avoid getting into conflicts in the first place.

The next insights were for a Breakout Session I conducted at a National Assembly for the Women’s Federation for World Peace in Washington, D.C. I was asked to provide the most healing information I could, to help heal the relationship between parents and their children. The following is that information. In these classes, you also get the benefits of the most recent developments in Harmonizing With Kids, streamlining and empowering an already powerful method and system.
• Kids’ Work
First, do you realize that children have a very important job to do, as important as any job on earth? It’s their job to create an adult, the adult they become. And one of our jobs is to help them do this, and hopefully do an excellent job of it. Harmonizing With Kids is created to help this happen. It is distilled from over 47 years of focused attention, observation, experimenting, inspiration and caring. That’s why experiencing, understanding, and using Harmonizing With Kids is so important. It not only makes your child’s job much easier, but it makes your job, as a parent, easier, too.
• Developmental Blueprint
The second point concerns the developmental blueprint of your children. When a child exercises the necessary muscles and develops the necessary coordination to begin walking, this is evidence of the developmental blueprint which dictates how to accomplish this.
Can you imagine creating the training schedule? Are you equipped to do that? Also, how could you provide the baby with the motivation? Think of all the skills and the perseverance it takes to develop from being unable to move much to being able to stand erect and to walk.
Imagine all that an infant must learn and develop in their first three years of life. How is it that all the coordination necessary to speak comes about? Within three years a child develops from no known spoken language to a basic knowledge of the language or languages in their environment complete with fairly accurate pronunciation and great understanding.
It is not the parent who makes sure the baby discovers how to make the sounds of their language and then practices them, and yet the baby, on their own, practices enough to be able to speak the language by about three years of age, if not much sooner.
Something motivates human beings to master the necessary complex coordinated actions, whether the parent pays attention or not. This developmental blueprint with its inner motivation ensures that a child masters certain abilities. The child must do what the blueprint dictates.
• Adults First…
Here’s the third healing point: Kids learn from adults. That seems to be built into the human species. Kids are not born speaking a language and ready to fully participate in family life. Human beings need to learn the language or languages spoken by those around them, especially their parents. They also need to learn how things are done, from those same adults.
Keep this in mind. Think about it. When it comes to respect, parents need to give respect to their kids first. They need to show how it’s done. They are the models. Your kids need to observe you when you treat them respectfully, see what you do and how you do it, and experience how it feels. Then they can imitate you.
If you can’t think of another reason for being respectful to your kids, you can think of respecting your kids this way: Their job of creating a wonderful adult human being is certainly a job worthy of respect.