Building Attraction in Men

“Just what do men want anyway?”

Yes, I get that question a lot these days and no, I don’t just answer with “sex”. (Yes, men want sex, but that’s not really the answer to this question.)

You keep hearing that “men are simple” and that’s not really true. It’s based on that however that you often believe sex is the only answer. In fact, men are actually rich, varied and pretty complicated – just like women are. Thus, answering a question like that with something as simple as “sex” is pretty sophomoric and frankly, misleading.

Let me try to clear up the fog a little. Men want:

Interest. Sorry, you girls have this wrong. You think that by being aloof, acting uninterested, being evasive and generally being a pain-in-the-ass, that is somehow supposed to attract guys. No, it doesn’t work that way. If we don’t sense some interest from you quickly, most guys will move on to greener pastures – just as quickly. Why climb through a window when there’s an unlocked door?

Further, most women are way too subtle! Men aren’t exactly subtle creatures. When you think you’re just about at a yell, that’s probably about just right.

Availability. This is the most misunderstood aspect to attracting guys in women. You’ve heard things like “men want mystery” and “men love a challenge”. Sure we do, but not in our women! What we want is for you to be available so that we can make ourselves available too. Yes, that means in every way.

Fun. This is the single biggest mistake women make! If you’re not fun to be around, if seeing you is going to be yet another experience in trying to chip away a tunnel in a mountain with a nail file, we’re not really that interested in seeing you – after the sex is over.

Take the girl that is fun, happy, interesting – and interested in the things we are. We can hardly get enough of her! I’ll bet you even know this girl. She’s the one that’s always hanging out with your ex’s friends that you loathed the thought of your boyfriend seeing again. Yes, you have to compete with her.

She’s the girl we’re looking to date too!

BONUS: Want to know if you’re her? Simple: look at the lines around your eyes. If there are more between your eyes (from frowning) than at the corners (from laughing) then, you’re probably not her.

ANOTHER BONUS: You can become her any time you want! How about now?

Partnership. We know we can’t do it all. Having a great woman on our team helps us in more ways that I can count. We rely on you for your help too. Now, here’s the interesting thing about this: give it to us without a fight, and we’ll be an even better man for you. No, I’m serious!

Drama. Well, actually, it’s the lack of drama from our partners that we want. Very few men do drama and of those that do, very few do it very well. When things start getting dramatic, we’ll usually turn to our partners and say, “tag, you’re it!” It’s unfortunate (for us) when the person creating the drama is you. We have no one else to turn to.

Not only do we have a very low patience level for drama, we mostly don’t understand it. Women will create artificial drama in a relationship sometimes to express insecurity, anger, need and many other things. These are often clear to you, but rarely to us. We see drama as something to solve, not a symptom of something else. If there’s something else going on, you need to tell us – clearly and specifically. We really do care, but we won’t constantly chase a moving target.

Support. Men need support, but not the same type of support that women want and need. We want to believe that you’re our greatest cheerleader. We want to believe that you believe in us and what we do. We want respect – just like you do.

Now, here’s the best news: give this to us, and there’s not a mountain we won’t climb or an ocean we won’t swim for you. We’re competitive that way. We’ll try to give you even more support than you give us.

Not a bad trade, huh?

Sex. Oh yeah, we want sex. Now, here’s the important thing to know however: we want great sex, but we won’t tell you if you’re good at it or not! (Why risk getting less or things getting worse? For more, please see: “10 Ways Women Can Be Lousy in Bed” http://www.evolvedworld.com/sex/item/285-10-ways-women-can-be-lousy-in-bed) Now, if you actually have skills that’s a great thing, but don’t mistake being a great lover with making us fall in love. What being a great lover does for you however is to keep your guy around long enough so you can work your magic on him – and to keep him around when things go sour in the relationship, so we can work together to bring them back.

Opinion. I know, I know. That one really made your jaw drop. Yes, men want – and need – women’s opinions. Some of us even know how to ask for them. However, just like you, we aren’t looking for tons of unsolicited opinions – especially those designed to “make us better men”.

We know you have a different way of looking at things and that’s why we love you.

Communication. Are women better communicators than men? Women use more words than men (according to a recent study, women use an average of 40,000 words a day whereas men only use about 7,000) but that doesn’t equate directly to “communication”. Just as you often find men’s communication coarse and abrupt, we often find yours tedious.

We want to communicate with you however and often in a very deep way. But, since we accomplish this in different ways, it often takes some new ideas and new ways of thinking to accomplish this. It’s an educate well worth pursuing however.

Love. Yes, most men want to love and be loved too. Here’s something you probably didn’t know: sometimes, we don’t like who we are when we’re in love. Love sometimes means vulnerability and limitation, but that often has to do more with our partners than ourselves.

Love isn’t exactly a “normal state” for men but with the right partner, somehow we can get through it.

Best regards...
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Copyright (c) 2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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