On Being a Man

Hey Doc!

I just want to say thanks for helping to transform me into a better man than I was! Growing up, I had a dad that was often not available due to work. He and my mother would frequently get into fights with him screaming and yelling (he never hit my mother however) but my limited time with my dad up until high school feminized me a bit. I always got to hear moms side of the story, and started looking at everything from her point of view – highly feminized. Naturally, I would take the side of the girls even when I entered the dating scene and was unable to "hang with the boys" like I should have.

Still struggling with a few relationships, but mostly described as the infamous "catch"; I moved away and joined the military. I found your website and wrote you twice in the past. After your advice from the first time I bought BAM and it helped me out a lot! It completely changed my perspective.

Right now I’m deployed to a substandard country. I had a girlfriend right before I left and was going to tell her "let's go our own ways, and we'll see what happens later" but she throws this huge going away party for me with her family, drinks everything and I went soft.

After I left we were on LDR status which I was skeptical of in the first place. Three months later she gives me the “lets just be friends” email, to which I replied, "By friends, do you mean therapist for all your future problems from now on?? No. I have lots of friends. See you later!"

Since then, I’ve been able to get a good looking British chick to practically eat out of the palm of my hand, with a few others curious! Despite the horrible military ratio here!

I’ve been reading BAM 2 on my free time to keep my guard up (one thing I learned is to never keep your guard down in the first place!) and it’s been an incredible help!

The point being is your material has helped me better become a better man, although the term has lost its meaning in society....you know what I’m talking about.

Thanks again,

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Hello!

Thanks for your comments!

You are sooooo right about society losing the concept of what a man is! I just had this very same discussion last night with this beautiful actress I was with (and yes, you'd probably recognize her.)

She was complaining that she doesn't seem to meet real men any more and how different I was. Then, I proceeded to explain to her why that was true and she said she didn't believe it!

I asked her, "So, based on your own experience, how can you deny what I'm saying is true?" She said, "Because an entire generation of men couldn't possibly have lost all of that - it'd take many generations to 'evolve' it out." "Really?" I asked "Just because the traits are still there doesn't mean that people know how to tap them." Eventually, she finally agreed - her own experiences bearing the fact out.

Your experiences bear them out too! It's unfortunately, but in a sea of feminization, without some model to follow; most men fall into the same traps and actually believe that their own gender is the problem. Men rarely have examples of masculinity to draw from and with such huge pressure to be more like women, it's amazing that there are any real or emerging men like you out there!

I've very proud of: 1) the fact that you realize the problems and 2) that you're doing something about it. No wonder you're described as a "catch". Do you have any idea how rare your "type" has become?

Oh, and yes, I do get occasional hate male from men too - there are some of them in that list, but as you'd suspect, its more women.

Great job Mike - I'm very proud of you. Even more important than for yourself, just think of what you're doing for these great women that really deserve a guy like you!

Best regards…

Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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