Being a One Parent Family

After a divorce a single parent can find him/herself in a pit of confusion.It is time to sit down and consider how your new family is going to function because that's what you are; a family. You may be missing one component that has been with you for a while but those of you who are left now that the divorce is final are the ones who have to deal with everything being the way it is now.

First you must consider the custody arrangements. Are you the custodial parent? If you are, you will have to maintain an aura of authority while providing the love of two people. You will always have to consider every decision in a more detailed manner because you will have to take the time to think about the consequences of what you have decided and how that will be used in the custody arrangement. The main thing is the children. You want your children to know that they are in a stable situation no matter what. You want them to know that they will not be left behind for a new person. You want them to know there won't be a new "mommy" or "daddy' thrust at them until they are ready to meet the challenge. You want them to trust that you will always be there for them and that you will always think of them first of all. This is very important.

Often divorced adults concentrate on themselves thinking that the children are resilient and will get over it fast. This is the wrong way to look at what is happening. A divorce is much harder on the children than it is on the adults. They feel that it is all somehow due to them and that if they had just been better kids it wouldn't have happened. The first thing the adults in the family owe to the children is a resolution to this guilt. A child should never be made to think that a divorce was caused by him or her. It can scar a child for life and prevent him/her from having a good relationship when he/she becomes an adult.

Once the custody arrangements are finalized you have to deal with a one parent family. It does not matter whether you are the custodial parent or the one with visitation rights; you and the child are a family of your own. You must always act as the child's parent. Do not make the mistake of trying to be your child's friend and forgetting that you are the parent. You must always discipline the child as it is needed; whether you have him or her for the weekend or for life. The other thing is to not try to make the child feel uncomfortable with the other parent. Most adults can't help themselves when it comes to playing the child against the other parent. It is almost an inborn urge that just jumps out when the occasion arises. It can almost happen before you know that you are doing it. But you MUST curb your desire to do this. The child has to be free to love his parents(both of them)equally. You should never try to make the child love you more; no matter how big the desire. The child has to be free to make his/her decision about who is the best parent and that has to be based on parenting.
Your one parent family can work as well as a two parent one if you work it right. Just remember that you owe your child the best parent you can be. Don't make excuses for your relationship. It is all up to you.