Are You Rushing the Relationship?

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You started dating a good guy who is full of integrity, charming, funny and considerate. The lines of communication seem to be wide open and you feel connected. You start to imagine life together with him on a daily basis and ponder over fantasies of how he may propose and where the wedding will be, the dress, the guests, the honeymoon. In your mind you have already married him and are living happily ever after. In reality he has never even once discussed marriage with you.

Then, the unthinkable takes place! This Man of Your Dreams tells you he isn’t ready for a “relationship”. You are crushed. You feel rejected, angry, hurt and now he has become the enemy. In your mind he is insensitive and has led you on when really, he was just being truthful.

Because women tend to be agents of change, (read my article titled Relationships and Conflict of Expectations) they enjoy the idea of moving things along to the next level. This often includes relationships. The snag in all of this is that by focusing on the next level one misses out on the present moment that is to be relished. Why not enjoy the relationship for what it is today? Why not take pleasure in the journey of friendship and see where it takes you?

Marriage should not be required as the next level ever. If you knew how many stories I hear of women who made marriage the ultimate goal and then 10, 15, or 20 years later are divorced because they never should have married that man, it would astound you. When we focus on marriage as the ultimate goal, it almost seems like we are searching for anyone who would fit the bill to be placed in that role. And what we should be looking for is an honest man who is willing to walk through the seasons of friendship and develop a relationship without being so concerned over where it is headed. It is possible to enjoy the journey without making requirements for the future.

If you realize that this has been a pattern for you, making the choice for change is the first step.
Recognize your thoughts when they start down that familiar path and remind yourself that commitment does not always end in marriage and marriage does not assure you of happiness. Embracing who you are, strengthening the qualities you possess and polishing any areas of weakness will not only enhance your ability to delight in the voyage of exploration but will cause you to be irresistible for when the right guy does come along. Determine that you will not be so focused on rushing the results but appreciate the unfolding of the adventure.