Accepting Ending Relationships: Six Steps to Move On

Last night Alice had another strange dream; it could, however, be almost categorized as a nightmare.

A situation occurred involving an old friend of hers; Patty was in the hospital with a condition that was very grave. In the dream, Alice remembers Patty in the white bed, head raised a bit, dressed in dark clothing. The walls were close and had a medium-colored paneling on them (not unlike her home!). Alice had been talking with Patty when Patty's husband, Klue, walked in. Inaudible words were exchanged.

Another woman walked into the room and lay down on the hospital bed beside Alice's friend. She knew this person in the dream but not in her consciousness. Nearly immediately Alice became slightly jealous that Patty's friend snuggled up and began talking with her.

It wasn't until she woke from the dream that Alice noticed Patty and Klue had not looked like themselves at all; Patty was extremely thin, Klue had dark hair, and their faces were totally unrecognizable, too. How's that for a euphemism or awareness or metaphor? They were the same people inside, yet so very different on the outside.

The time of many months has passed since they last spoke in real life; Alice's head is telling her that Patty has changed her life to not include Alice. The dream was a way of showing Alice how that it is true and certain; just as the faces of her friends changed and were unfamiliar, so is the friendship of today. Alice's heart is very sad.

Nothing has happened directly to Alice; however, many happenstances surrounding her have had a definite impact. Alice woke up shaking with extreme sadness as to the reality and awareness: Patty has moved on and is not the same person she was while together in their relationship of friendship.

People do change as do relationships of all kinds. To be able to accept these changes can be a challenge. But if you can view the situation for what it is, a transition or evolvement in your own life of which has made you stronger and wiser, might the circumstances be a little softer and easier to digest?

If you find yourself in Alice's shoes, here are a few tips for you.

1. Step back.
2. Look at the situation from a distance.
3. View objectively what transpired.
4. Take a few deep, cleansing breaths.
5. Recall the goodness and benefits received from the relationship.
6. Release the hold.

In summary, when you are able to look at what's happened without judgment on either side (yours or your friend's) a new awareness may come over you of what could have made this relationship better. With your breaths, take the cleansing air in along with all the good that came out of knowing this person. Then on the exhale, blow out all the bad, the hurt, and the pain of the loss.

Transitions can transform into transcendence, providing you with a new opportunity to create better relationships today and tomorrow. Trust your transition. Nothing is left to chance.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." ~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone