At this moment in time, one may be talking to someone that is not who they say they are. However, as far as one is concerned, they will be in a relationship with someone who loves or at the very least cares about them.

In reality, the person they are talking to will simply be using them in order to receive as much money as they can, along with other resources. When one is in this position, then, there is going to be what they believe is going on and what is actually going on.

The Beginning

As to how they met someone who is using them, they may have met them via a dating app, social media site or by being directly contacted. Either way, it might not have been long until the other person made it clear how much they love them.

If they met them via a dating app or a social media site, they might not have seen many pictures of them, or they might have seen a lot of pictures. When it comes to what this person looks like, they could be physically attractive and in good shape.


To be loved and made to feel special by someone like this is naturally going to have a positive effect on their well-being. Yet, in all likelihood, the person they are talking to is not the person they are actually talking to - and there is a chance that many different people will message them.

The person they are talking to may be using someone else’s pictures, or they might be using AI-generated images. Therefore, when it relates to the former, this person will exist but this person wouldn’t know them even if they did meet them and their voice would be different, and, when it comes to the latter, this person won’t even exist.

Laying the Foundations

After a certain amount of love and trust had been formed, and it is likely that many messages and calls will be exchanged throughout the day, their lover is likely to have asked them for money. When it comes to why they needed this money, there could be numerous reasons.

For example, they could say that they need the money to pay their debts, medical expenses or travel expenses. They might have also brought other family members into the equation, saying that they needed the money for food or medical expenses for their child or children.

Pulling At the Heart Strings

At first, the amount that was asked for might have been minimal, but, as the days, weeks, months and perhaps years went by, it might have gradually increased. Thanks to the reasons that have been put forward in regard to why they need the money, it will have been easier for them to bypass one’s critical faculties.

And, if one has ever said no and not given in to their lover’s request for money, they might have tried to make them feel guilty. Also, they might have questioned if they actually love them and threatened to withdraw their ‘love’.

External Feedback

Now, if one was to talk to a friend or family member about their online lover, someone who they might not have even seen via a video call, they might soon be told that they are being taken advantage of. As far as this person is concerned, they will be being swindled by someone who doesn’t care about them.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean that one will take any notice of them. This friend or family member could then deeply love and care about them but what they say will fall on deaf ears.


After this conversation has come to an end, one could end up talking to their online lover about what has been said. Here, one could be told not to listen to what anyone says or words to that effect.

If this takes place, it could be said that one will be well and truly caught up in their lover’s world and won’t be willing to consider that they could be being swindled, let alone accept that they are. For them to be able to wake up and see clearly, it might take something fairly significant.

What’s going on?

At this point, it may seem as though this person has just happened to be scammed and is, therefore, nothing more than a victim. But, what if there was something about them that made them an easy target?

There is a chance that they felt deeply alone before they ever spoke to the person who is swindling them, felt unloved and invisible, and might not have had any close bonds with others. Assuming that this was the case, after someone turned up, who was physically appealing, treated them like they were special, and was there for them, it is to be expected that they would fall headfirst into a fantasy relationship.

The Other Side

If, on the other hand, they didn’t feel lonely, unloved and unwanted, and had close bonds with others, would they have ended up in this position? They might have been duped for a short period of time but, by not being overly needy and emotionally empty and, thus less likely to be caught up in a fantasy bond, and having people around them who could provide them with feedback; it might have soon come to an end.

Ultimately, it would have been easier for them to face reality and not only see when something wasn’t right but to be able to do something about it. Their need to deceive themselves wouldn’t have been as strong.

Final Thoughts

What this illustrates is that when someone is in pain, their mind will create all kinds of fantasies as a defence. Another person can then feed into a fantasy but one has to be willing to deceive themselves to be able to be deceived by others.

This is why it has been said that we see with our brains, not our eyes. So, if facing up to something would cause one to experience a lot of pain, they will have a strong need to be caught up in something that is not real to distract them from what is.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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