***Your Parenting Values

What’s really important to you as a parent? What values or principles are really important to you?

What’s your ethos in life …. What do you stand for?

The reason for doing this is that your values are like your personal compass - they guide your decisions - they are what you stand for and most people or parents don’t spend any time actually analysing what they stand for but if you’re not absolutely clear about your values how can you possibly pass them on to your teenage children?

So take a few moments to think about and write down a whole list of what principles are important to you - things like honesty, determination, kindness, the ability to finish a task, being considerate of others, working hard, doing well at school, keeping your body fit and healthy

Take some time to think about the values that you hold dear.

• What are the values that you must honour in your life?

• Which are the most important?

• What values would you like to pass onto your teenager?

Spend some time writing them all down.

1.____________________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________

3.____________________________________________________

4.____________________________________________________

5.____________________________________________________

6.____________________________________________________

7.____________________________________________________

8.____________________________________________________

9.____________________________________________________

10.___________________________________________________

Now give each of these values a score of 1-10 - 10 being your most important and 1 the least of your values and think about how you are honouring these values in your life right now.

Now put your top 3 values in order.

1.____________________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________

3.____________________________________________________

Are there any areas where you might like to make a change?

Just take a few moments to think how you pass on your values - how do you pass them on in your words, in your actions or in the way you talk to your kids? Do you talk about being patient and tolerant but scream at the driver who cuts you up at the roundabout?

What can you do differently or remember to say to yourself to remind yourself that you are always a role model? Write down your thoughts here.

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

What is your actual goal as a parent?

My personal goal as a parent is to help my teenager become:

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So…

Let’s get clear about what’s important to you as a parent of a teenager:

 Is it important that your teenager gets enough sleep so they can get up on time and without being grumpy and function effectively at school?

 What time would be a sensible and realistic for your teen to go to bed?

 How can you encourage them to take responsibility for getting enough sleep?

 What are your views on going out on week nights?

 What time do you expect your kids back?

 What are your expectations and routines if they get delayed? What do you want them to do (call you, ask you to pick them up, get a cab etc)? By getting clear you pre-empt any misunderstandings which prevent arguments and recriminations later on.

 What are your views or rules about mobile phone use?

 What is a balanced amount of TV/DVD/computer games to watch or play each day/week?

 How can you encourage responsibility in those areas? What things can you do to encourage balance, commitment and honesty?

 What are your views on education, schoolwork and passing exams?

 How can you actively and positively support, encourage and remain interested in what they are doing at school?

 How can you help them set goals and achieve them?

 How do you develop good habits like being on time, eating healthily, exercising, having good personal hygiene, showing tenacity, keeping their word, telling the truth, passing exams, and giving back to their community?

 How do you develop their rather fragile self-esteem at this time? (Picking up on what you like to see, and praising them, talking with them, spending time together, doing activities with them, eating together)

 How do you help them manage money?

 How do you encourage them to earn their own money?

 How do you encourage them to cook, iron, wash up, tidy up, wash their clothes and help around the house?

 How do you encourage them to show respect to others, other people’s property and younger and older members of the family and community at large?

 How do you show an interest in the films they watch, games they play, music they like and things that make them laugh?

 How do you spend time together? What new ways could you find to spend time with them?

These questions give you clarity about what’s important to you and although I’m suggesting you remain flexible, centred, grounded and mature in your approach it’s not all about you making all the compromises – it’s about choosing your battles so your kids feel you care but also respect that you’re all learning to handle the new changes in your family dynamic and relationships.

Changes can happen quickly but I always think it helps to remember that habits take a little longer – so be patient with yourself too.

Sue Atkins is a Parent Coach and Author of "Raising Happy Children for Dummies" one in the famous black and yellow series. She has written many books on self esteem, toddlers and teenagers and has a collection of Parenting Made Easy Toolkits available from her website. To find out more about her work and to receive her free monthly newsletter packed full of practical tips and helpful advice for bringing up happy, confident, well-balanced children go to => http:/www.positive-parents.com