Invalidation vs Respect

(My thanks to CoachCampus who have given permission for me to publish this extract from the CoachCert?training program.)

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the verb RESPECT as: "to consider deserving of high regard" or "to refrain from interfering with". It defines the verb INVALIDATE as "to weaken or make valueless".

We have the choice to respect or invalidate the people, objects and events in our life, including ourselves. Consider your experience when others respect you, i.e. they "consider you deserving of high regard" or they "refrain from interfering with you."

Now consider your experience when others invalidate you, i.e. they "weaken you" or "make you valueless".

To respect someone or something is a real gift and a powerful way of relating to the world around us. It's also a very natural way for human beings to relate when they are free.

What gets in the way of that freedom are our Judgements.

Coach Trainer Bernard Wheatley says: “When we discern our Judgements we can then choose, or have a say in whether we respect or invalidate.

One of my Judgements is "showing off and being cheeky is bad" (and of course I do both!) So whenever someone appears to be "showing off" or being "cheeky", my Judgement kicks in and I automatically invalidate them. By discerning this Judgement I can let that go and find respect or regard for the person instead.?

You may know of people who respect their bodies, by exercising, eating well, stretching, getting the rest and sleep they need, and minimizing alcohol, nicotine and other poisonous substances. I occasionally eat WAY too much chocolate. My underlying belief or Judgement is that I'm not important enough to treat my body very well. Again once I discern this Judgement, I'm able to choose to continue to weaken (Invalidate) my body, or to Respect it. The more practice I get in noticing and letting go of my Judgements, the more effective I become at it.

**Questions for the Discussion Board**

1. What are examples of ways in which people show respect for themselves? For others? How are these different?

2. What are examples of ways in which people invalidate themselves? How do they invalidate others? How are these different, if at all?

**Action Challenges**

1. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?

2. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for others?

3. In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated or disrespected yourself. (notice your underlying judgements in each of these)

4. In the next three days, recognize three ways in which you are invalidating others and turn it into respect.

5. In the following four days, recognize three ways you are invalidating or disrespecting yourself, and turn it into respect.

(e.g. eating junk food to eating healthy food)

6. Describe how you did it and how it made you feel at the time.

(Post response no.5 and no.6 on the bulletin board (CoachCampus students only.)

[For a list of the Top Ten Ways We Invalidate, visit www.coachcampus.com, and click on “Free Taster Training Module?

Copyright 2001, CoachCampus Pty. Ltd.

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