Why Me Questions?

There are basically two types of “why questions”

The first type of “why question is one where an individual is inquiring to gather information with the intention of benefiting their life. The information they gather is of real value that they can use to assist them.

The other type of “why question” is one that will lead an individual down a mental road that is what I call “Why me questions?”

In this article I am going to focus on this second type of “why question” and how an individual can change this pattern into an empowering pattern.

Have you ever talked to someone who seems to constantly ask themselves “why me questions?” They say, “Why does this keep happening to me?” “Why can’t I get it right?” “Why is everybody always picking on me?” “Why did you do that to me?” “Why did they do that to me?” “Why am I always messing up?” These are some example of what I refer to as “Why me questions?”

What I’ve discovered in coaching hundreds of clients is that “why me questions” usually lead to more “why me questions.”

You see, our mind can function like a hamster on a wheel. Have you ever seen a hamster running on a wheel? They are going nowhere – Fast. How does the mind work in the same way? Well, when people ask themselves “why me question” they will find an answer to the question, or come up with some answer that may seem to temporarily satisfy them. And then, very often they will come up with another “why me question” to follow that answer. And then they will answer it, and then again ask another “why me question.” The answer to one “why me question” can very often lead another “why me question” and it can go on and on like this inside of their mind for quite a while. It’s a repeating pattern; it’s like the hamster running on the wheel.

Let me give you an example of this with a client that I was coaching. Here is a brief dialogue so you can see how “Why me questions” - unfold.

Me: How can I assist you today?

Client: I just want to know WHY my boyfriend doesn’t pay attention to me?

Me: What do you think the answer is?

Client: I don’t know, maybe it’s because he doesn’t really love me…
Me: I hear you, and if he doesn’t really love you then what does that mean?

Client: I don’t know, maybe it means I’m not lovable. I just want to know WHY he does it?

Me: Have you asked him?

Client: No.

Me: I see, are you willing to ask him?

Client: I guess. It just seems like this always happens to me. WHY does this always happen to me?

This is a demonstration of “Why me questions?” work. The client I was working with continued to go down the mental road of “Why me?” If you pay close attention, you may just notice this pattern in someone you know, like a friend or a family member. Maybe – though it’s probably very unlikely – you may notice yourself doing it.

There is another phenomenon I’ve noticed about asking this second type of “why questions.” And again, this is not a hard rule, but I do believe it is true most of the time. “Why questions” often carry a vibrational energy of victimization. Again, allow me to restate that not all “why questions” are victim questions. So, I’m not suggestion that you never ask “why questions.” What I’m encouraging you to consider is the energy and direction of the “why questions” you are asking, and where are they taking you to? Is it to nowhere fast land? It seems clear that we ask “why questions” in order to gain understanding. However, if we are not paying attention, our mind can lead us down the road of “Why me questions?” – like the hamster wheel.

If you’re thinking, “OK that’s great, I get the point. So, what do I do if I notice myself or someone else asking ‘Why me questions?’ “

Well, first of all if you notice someone else asking “why me questions” I recommend that you be quiet and listen to them. In fact, I suggest that it is probably a good idea to not bring it to their attention. Because if you do, it’s very possible they could become defensive about it. Very often you can support another person in this situation simply by listening to them with acceptance and love. Allow them to “be” where they are.

However, if you notice yourself asking “Why me questions?” then you can work with yourself. The first thing you want to do is to acknowledge yourself for noticing the pattern. Awareness is huge, and acknowledging yourself is a gift you can give to yourself right away. The second thing you can do is to ask yourself a “What question?” That’s right transform the “why me question?” into a “What questions?” It may feel a little bit challenging to do this at first, because your mind wants to go down the same old road of “why me?” Because your mind is used to going down this same old street. I can assure you that about 98% of the time, a “What question?” will take you down a new road of mental freedom. If you need more assistance with this then send me an email or give me a call to get more clarity.