This Isn't Your Grandfather's Depression

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Words: 607
© Copyright Arthur Levine 2008
Keywords: Recession, Depression, Tips, Humor,

This Isn’t Your Grandfather’s Depression

I don’t know about you, but I have only lived through one depression that I can remember, maybe two depending on whether I am having a good day or not

My grandfather told me, “You have to have a sense of humor,” He gave me this most important piece of advice, which I give you about how to survive a depression. Unfortunately that is all the old man left me so I try and use humor whenever I can.

You are going to need a sense of humor too, if you plan on surviving an economic depression. If you have the other kind of depression, a sense of humor is important too.

I am going to try to give you some important tips on how to survive an economic depression using as much humor as I can muster as my wife tells me she thinks I am severely depressed. I can live with that. How about you?

Are you ready to make plans for surviving a depression no matter which type you are about to experience? I hope so. I can’t do this alone. I need your help.

Let’s not quibble about whether it is a recession or a depression that is coming; it is too depressing to think about. I am going to call it a depression because that is how I feel.

Please grab a pencil. You don’t need to write anything down, but you can chew on the eraser if you get really nervous about what you are about to learn.

Here is a list of things to do to get ready for the coming Depression/Recession:

1. Buy a flashlight – It is going to be necessary to see where you are going when the Electric Company turns off your lights because you couldn’t pay the bill.
2. Stop buying expensive drinks at Starbucks for $5 a day - You can’t afford it any more. Use the pot in your one room apartment to boil up some water for instant coffee instead.
3. Get a bike – In case they repossess your car. You are going to need it to get to the construction job if you are going to be able to compete effectively with illegal aliens when your Company let’s you go. There is always McDonalds.
4. Speaking of Happy Hour or Happy Meals, lay off stopping at your favorite watering hole for a couple of brews after work. You are fat enough from all the white bread and baloney sandwiches you are living on and you can’t afford it. Stockpiling body fat won’t help you get through the winter.
5. Get out and vote – It probably won’t help, but it may make you feel like you are doing something constructive.
6. Marry that woman – what are you waiting for? You will get at least two deductions and two can live cheaper than one.
7. Stop thinking about what could have been – it is time to start worrying about the future if you plan on having one.

That’s about all the tips I can stand for today. I am going to take the afternoon off and dance the Depression Mamba 1,2,3. How about you? Do you know what to do with your leisure time? You may be about to have a whole lot more of it.
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