This Guy Is Too Damn Nice!

Dear Dr. Neder:

I am 22 and the guy I am writing about is 35. The age difference doesn’t bother me at all but the fact he treats me like a princess does.

I have always been attracted to the bad boy type so really I am not sure why I was even attracted to this guy. He is an amazing guy but there is something wrong with me I think. He takes me out anywhere I want, buys me what I want, takes me to get my nails done, waits on my hand and foot, will pretty much do whatever I say.

To be honest with you I don’t treat him well at all and I told him straight out I was not his girlfriend but rather just a friend and I say no to him when he tries to do things for me but he doesn’t take no for an answer. He always wants to take me out and I say to him that I do not want to lead him on and he says to me he doesn’t care he just wants to be with me.

I told him I wasn’t the type to use someone but he just doesn’t care I guess. He says he likes the looks other guys give him and the comments guys say to him when we are together but it’s starting to creep me out.

I don’t kiss him nor have we have ever done anything! Is this guy a freak or what? What the heck should I do?!?!? He is starting to annoy me!
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Hello!

Yes, I fully understand what you're going through. Do you have any idea how many letters I get A DAY from women in your exact same position? Trust me, it's a ton.

The unfortunate reality is that so many men never learned how to be men. They actually believe that by catering to your ever whim, being sensitive to your every wish and giving of themselves in every way possible that you'll fall in love with them.

What he doesn't understand is that this will never happen. Instead, you simply lose respect for him, feel insecure around him and will never feel love for him at all.

This is a problem I deal with every single week on my show. It's a damn tragedy because if he learned how to be a real man around you, he might have had a chance. I understand that chance is now gone.

The thing he doesn't get is for you to feel love, you first have to feel safe and secure. You'll never feel that with anyone that simply lies down and lets you walk all over him. Maybe you need to give him a copy of this letter, and send him to my website (http://beingaman.com) for some re-education.

Ultimately, this is his own fault, but the reality is that men have almost no roll models any more. They don't know how to act, so they use old, sappy, romantic movies, plays, books, etc., as their guide. These come from a time when men HAD good roll models and combining these emotional elements with powerful masculine energies DID work. Those times are gone however.

Add to this that so many men are growing up today without fathers (or father figures) and you begin to see that the cause isn't their fault. However, staying that way IS their fault.

As to what you should do, you need to get rid of this guy. He's not helping you or your self image one bit. In fact, he's hurting you. He's not going to be able to just flip a switch and turn on the masculinity that you need - that's going to take a long process of unlearning what he thinks he knows now and relearning what he needs to know.

End this. Set him free so he can learn what he needs and you can go find someone that already knows these things for yourself.

Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the new BAM! TV at http://beingaman.tv.

Copyright (c) 2008, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.