The Law of Attraciton and the Armchair Golf Coach

The US Masters Golf Championship featured heavy TV coverage of Tiger Woods’s failed attempt to reclaim the title. (For non-golfers: the number one all-time champion failed to win in one of the Really Big tournaments). Sitting in my living room watching Tiger’s face crumple and lower lip tremble after his shots fell short, I urged him on with my Law of Attraction-inspired tips:

“Stay focussed Tiger. Don’t worry about the shots of the past, they’re already gone. Concentrate on what you DO want, not what you DO NOT want. Don’t beat yourself up with negative self-talk, it will only attract more rotten shots.”

Yes sirree, I sure felt smug and knowledgeable as I watched one of the most incredible athletes of the game succumb to his own mental diatribe. His face was a clear message of pain and misery, and it sure wasn’t helping his game. I swear he might have cried a little at the end when he conceded the tournament to the lesser-known contender.

When my husband invited me to a game of golf the next day, I accepted.How hard could it be? Being a successful golf player was all about focussing on what you do not want, releasing negativity, and being in the flow. I looked forward to doing on the golf course what Tiger clearly could not – controlling my thoughts and emotions to produce shot after perfect shot.

With my first swing at the ball, and then the next half a dozen that also failed to connect, I threw out all of my own advice. I was swearing and cursing like a hot-blooded sailor. How hard can it be to hit a ball with a stick?! One crappy shot after another and my eyes welled up with embarrassment, self-criticism, and all manner of deprecating mental imagery. This was not going as planned.

Golf is in essence an exercise in ego bruising. The more I swung and missed, the more I felt like a low-life scum-sucking bottom pond feeder. This was not going well. I suddenly felt some understanding and compassion for Tiger. Getting control of your emotions in front of millions of people is a pretty tall order. I was struggling just in front of my husband and in-laws.

Something had to change or I was in danger of having a full-blown tantrum. I listened to the advice of my very helpful companions. I decided to stop trying to hit the ball as far and as hard as I could. I decided to stop trying to be perfect.

And then it happened. I lined up the shot, set my hands as advised, stood where instructed, thought about the swing and using my hips. Just before I lifted the club to take the shot I felt the tickle of the breeze on my legs. It felt nice. I felt good. I remembered that who I was not about whether or not I could master playing golf, or whether I could hit a ball straight, or what my companions thought of me and my (lack of) skill; that breeze reminded me that life is about moments. You can feel good and go with the flow in spite of the circumstances, or you can fight it and try and force things to play out the way you think they should.

I let go of trying to impress. I swung the club and followed through with my hips and knees leading the way. The ball soared in to the air straight down the fairway. It was the first time I had ever hit the ball in this way. It was a great shot! More importantly however, I didn’t really care that I hit it so well. I simply enjoyed relaxing in to the feeling of being there, on the green, in the gentle afternoon sun, with the breeze on my legs. It felt good. I felt good. And that was what mattered.

The rest of the afternoon brought many other good shots, and plenty of duds as well. But the difference was that I wasn’t trying to prove anything anymore. I was simply enjoying the moment.

There are plenty of other times in my life when I have tried to be Numero Uno, be the best, run a perfect race, win the award, get the promotion. What I remember about those times, and what I felt resurface on the golf course, is that it felt hard. There was effort, and pain, and self-criticism. Sometimes the results came out the way I planned, and sometimes they did not. Either way, it was tough going.

Things are different these days. I play games a little differently. I focus on the moment, on what feels good, and let go of trying to be in control of everything, and in particular in control of the results. I still do my best, I put a lot of effort in to my coaching, my writing, and my sport, but the effort is about enjoying the process, loving who I am, in the moment, regardless of what happens around me. This is what is called being in the flow. It is a peaceful way to live. This is what living in to the Law of Attraction feels like: an absence of resistance. This is how I create a life of fun and freedom. And it feels good.

So if it takes a good thumping in a game of golf to remind me of what is really important, then bring it on.