Susceptibility to Toxic Emotions

Question:

Each day I awaken with the greatest of intentions. I meditate using some sort of guidance, usually a podcast from the Chopra Center, as this is what works best for me, right now.( I'm just beginning)

I live on a lake and take advantage of the calming sounds of the water. The waves echo my breath, the wind becomes my breath and all that surrounds me is within me. It is glorious and I feel as if I am home . . .

BUT, the moment my husband comes home, with his moods and remarks, the spell is broken! And then I actually RESENT him for breaking my peace. (although I know it is 'I' that does this.)

Before I go into work, I take time out to be quiet. I feel that I am brilliantly lit. When at work (nurse), I have the best intentions to be of service to my patients and make a difference with each word, gesture or kindness I can bestow upon them. I know that I am fortunate to have this vocation.

The mood of the institution, right now most especially, is one of uncertainty and chaos, with job-cuts and budgets. My co-workers complain, feel unappreciated and are worked beyond normal means. I become one with the collective consciousness . . . I am like a sponge, absorbing the mood of staff and the place as a whole. I end up complaining, perhaps not as much as I once did, but I still do. I leave there discouraged, defeated and feeling awful about myself that I was unable to remain untouched by outside forces.
I see a small progression, but if I could only sit on my rock by the water . . .

Why am I so weak? Do I have to move to a cave or monastery to stay away from the judgment and negativity I'm seemingly absorbing? Is it because I am empty, like a sponge, that I am so susceptible, so open to suggestion? How does one fall 'deaf' to the tremendous negativity of others without getting "sucked in"? Does it get better?

I feel such a frustration and 'failure' when this happens to me. Sometimes my ride home is filled with tears.
Also, how do you determine that situations and people are toxic, or whether they serve as important characters in the play? How much is 'too' much work, to keep relationships alive?

May your insight help me find my answers. I sincerely thank you.

Answer:

I don’t think you have failed nor are you weak. I believe you only need to find a way to make the peace that you create when you are communing with Nature more portable and accessible during the rest of the day. If you are radiating a feeling of peace, gratitude and calm around you throughout the day, then you are already full and will not be absorbing the toxic feelings around you.

Try to remember a time when you were feeling balanced, joyful and easy in the middle of a difficult situation. Remember everything about how your body felt, the natural breathing, the relaxation in your muscles, the open and erect posture. Notice everything about that state, and realize that this is you living your truth in the real world. This was a case where you brought the presence of your silent self into real action. Give this state a name and an image to anchor this experience in your body and mind. Remind yourself of this presence within you whenever you need to at home or work to help you reference this peaceful space inside. Some people find it helps to have a picture around to give a visual reminder. So you could have a picture of you on your rock by the lake if you like put up in your workplace or as a screensaver. Or you may want to wear a pendant or a ring that you can touch and see periodically to redirect your attention back to your center of balance. You can be creative and come up with whatever works best for you.

Over time you will find that those around you will not throw you off balance so much and that your own positive influence will begin to be felt around you more and more. You have already noticed that you see a small progression in those at work based on your influence. That will continue to grow, but without you feeling so depleted and discouraged.

Love,
Deepak