I was hardly a fan of cosmetic surgery until I experienced it for myself. At one time, although I would have voiced appropriately contemporary opinions as: “Who are we to criticize? Everyone has the right to make that decision for themselves.” But my inner voice spoke differently, and I know it colored my thinking about women who underwent surgery purely to enhance their physical appearance.

It wouldn’t have entered my mind to undergo any cosmetic procedures if I hadn’t been led to the door of a plastic surgeon’s office for the correction of a minor medical condition. But then, despite my philosophical reservations, I began to think: “Well, as long as I’m going to be going under anesthesia, why not some aesthetic enhancement at the same time?” Is there a woman alive who reaches that certain age of dawning invisibility who doesn’t secretly wish to push back the hands of time?

Afterwards, although thrilled with the result, I was troubled by feelings of vanity and extravagance that continued to tug at me. Why was I, a woman who had always identified herself by her accomplishments, worldly contributions, family, and friendships so elated by such superficial changes? Was I actually just a vain, narcissistic person underneath it all? I looked up that hateful word in the Webster Dictionary:

Vanity: having no real value, having an excessively high regard for one’s self, for one’s appearance, marked by futility or ineffectiveness, unsuccessful.

That surely didn’t describe me. Nor did it describe most of the over one hundred women I interviewed for my book. Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery. I needed to think this through a bit more. Part of this “thinking it through” process involved research. What had been written about the significance of human appearance in the psychological journals? Another part involved active interviews with other women. What could I learn from their experiences? And finally, what could I sort out from my own emotional responses?

By the time I was well underway with these three self-appointed projects, I was asking myself another question:
Is it blatant vanity or latent sexuality that propels us?

On a trip through Mid-Eastern Europe, while in a Ladies’ Room in the Budapest countryside, I was reapplying my lipstick when another member of our groups asked, “Are you still concerned about your appearance?” What a strange question! When I answered, “Yes, I guess I am,” she smiled as she scoffed: “Not me, I couldn’t care less anymore.” Well, if that works for her, that is fine. But we shouldn't be quick to confuse pride in one’s appearance with vanity. The unspoken truth is that for many, that complicated phenomenon of body image, (the individual’s perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors relating to their physical appearance), is closely connected to sexuality. Vanity is such a simplistic explanation for such a complex issue. Some individuals obviously will derive greater self-esteem from their physical appearance than others. And yes, I would agree that those who undergo such surgeries have a higher investment in their appearance than those who do not make this choice for themselves.

My interviews with other women began slowly, but then picked up speed. By the time I had finished, I had interviewed over 100 other women who had undergone some form of cosmetic surgery and a few who had rejected the idea for themselves. During those interviews I heard several anti-cosmetic surgery arguments, the most commonly voiced one being: “There should be more value to a person than just appearance.” I totally agree. I do believe that ultimately it is our values, contributions, humor, accomplishments, the quality of our relationships . . . that define us more than our physical appearance. But for those who contend that we should derive our self-esteem from what we achieve in life, rather than from our appearance, I need to qualify with a question of my own: Why must we view these two thoughts as mutually exclusive? Can’t we feel good about our appearance while still fulfilling ourselves as contributing members of society? Rather than viewing these two approaches as mutually exclusive, I believe they often work in tandem. In many cases, women have confided in me that after cosmetic surgery, their improved self-esteem has helped them become more outgoing, confident and productive, not yes, more sexual, than ever before.

But the anti-cosmetic surgery statement that I really need to address, is the one that suggests that we ought not to mess with mother nature. "Be happy to age the way nature intended," they advise. Should we also forego bone density treatments or reject the implantation of stents because nature intended our bodies to deteriorate as we age? Both the art and the science of cosmetic surgery have advanced significantly in the past decade. What was once considered high-risk surgery in terms of safety and results has dramatically improved. The technology is all out there. If you are a good candidate for cosmetic surgery, why not take advantage of what modern science has to offer?

Finally, I think we need to be realistic and recognize that cosmetic surgery is not the best answer for everyone. It is important to strive for balance in the many facets of our lives. Be sure to take the quiz found in my February Newsletter: Is Cosmetic Surgery Right For You? If you meet those criteria, read on. My article on Selecting the Surgeon Who Is Right For You (Feb. 2008), has the sound advice you simply can not afford to overlook.

Visit the ARTICLES page of Lois’ website, to read all referenced articles and more. If you like what you see, use the sign-up form to receive her newsletter, issued only 10 times per year. http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com/Newsletter.html
You have my permission to reprint this article in part or full providing it contains the following attribution:

Lois W. Stern is the author of the award winning book, Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery, (Infinity, 2006), soon to be republished in a revised edition with a CD enclosure. Lois invites prospective cosmetic surgery patients, physicians, and media to visit her website to read other articles and/or sign up for her monthly newsletter at: http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com

Author's Bio: 

“When I was 4 ½ years old, I remember being sent to my room for a nap, but instead of resting, I practiced printing alphabet letters - all over my newly papered bedroom wall. What I most recall about that day was having to stand behind the dinette door, perched right next to my mother’s old Singer Sewing Machine, until I apologized for my misbehavior. I couldn’t understand why I was being punished for all my hard work, so I stood there for what seemed like hours, rather than say the simple words: I’m sorry. Fortunately this inauspicious beginning didn't dull my enthusiasm for writing.”

During her twenty plus years as an educator, Lois W. Stern took an active role in her field as a frequent presenter at state and national educational conferences. Co-president of Suffolk Reading Council and subsequent Regional Director of Nassau and Suffolk LI Reading Councils, a number of her articles have been published by ERIC (U.S. Department of Education - Office of Educational Research and Improvement), parent newsletters, Newsday and the New York Times. As founder of a personalized book company, Stern has authored children's books and poems that become personalized with facts and photos about each child.

After retirement from education, Stern continued to pursue her love for writing, and soon became co-editor of a Long Island Internet web-zine, LI EYE. As she created and authored the column Ordinary People, Extraordinary Lives, she discovered her special niche of investigative journalism, and put those same talents to work in her book, Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery, where she was able to gain the trust of over 100 women while interviewing them about some of the most intimate aspects of their lives.

Stern received a Bachelor of Science degree from Barnard College of Columbia University, where she majored in Sociology. She holds one Masters Degree in Elementary Education and a second in Reading and Special Education.