Have you found yourself in a situation where you could not or did not speak your truth? You either said the wrong thing in anger or said nothing at all from fear?

Have you ever asked yourself what you were really angry about or fearful of?

So what if you said something that offended someone? And so what if you were offended? What was the big deal?

Why did your emotions get the better of you? Why did you take the situation so personally that it shook you off balance, you lost objectivity, and could not speak clearly and rationally?

So many questions!

Behind your negative emotions and automatic negative reactions, are memories--memories of when you were treated unfairly, disrespectfully, as if you were invisible or unimportant. The memory could be something as ordinary as being told to quiet down or stop crying. It could be something more extreme as being slapped or yelled at for saying the wrong thing or screaming at the top of your lungs as little children do.

No one had the perfect childhood--some had better ones than others--but none are perfect. The society we live in makes sure of that.

For this reason, any time you are in a situation that triggers the experience of being shut down or shut out--of feeling invisible, disrespected, or unimportant--the Fear Response will be triggered which will stimulate the automatic emotions and actions. For the most part, in other words, you can't help it.

Now, rather than being able to speak from a place of balance, you are speaking from a place of fear.

Know that there are basically only two places that your voice and your physiology vibrate from--The Love Response or The Fear Response. In the vibration of love you are in balance. In fear you are not. It is that simple.

So rather than focus on the person or situation that has made you angry or fearful, you can focus instead on your physiology. You can simply be aware that your physiology is out of balance and decide to shift your vibration into one that comes from love.

How?

Well, give yourself the approval and recognition you are longing for (the very same that you are not getting from the person or situation you are or were in).

Inhale deeply
then exhale completely.
Repeat to yourself: "I am loved" as you inhale
and "I am lovable" as you exhale
Do this at least 10 times
imagine that someone you look up to is looking you in the eyes and telling you how wonderful you are and that you are indeed seen and heard, that you are important.
You can even hug yourself as you imagine this scene.
Do this as long and as often as you need to.

Trust me it works.

Once you have settled your physiology down, you may find you have your voice back. You may find that you are less attached to the outcome of the conversation or situation and can speak your truth more calmly and rationally.

Eva Selhub, MD 1/6/09

Author's Bio: 

Eva M. Selhub, MD, a passionate, articulate advocate of Mind/Body Medicine, enjoys a flourishing career as a speaker, teacher and media spokesperson as well as clinical success treating patients who have triumphed over serious medical conditions and destructive emotional patterns.

A staff member of Harvard Medical School, Dr. Selhub served from 1999 until the end of 2007 as Medical Director of Mind/Body Medical Institute founded by the pioneer of mind/body research, Herbert Benson, MD. And now part of the world renowned Massachusetts General Hospital - newly named The Benson-Henry Institute for Mind/Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital (BHI). Dr. Selhub now serves as Senior Physician for BHI.

She has lectured throughout the United States and in Europe and trained healthcare professionals from all over the world. As an expert in the stress physiology and the mind/body approach to patient care, she has been involved in the training of healthcare professionals from all over the world. Dr. Selhub’s lectures are based on the mind/body connection, the physiology of stress and coping, their relationship to illness, and on enhancing the love that heals.

In her clinical practice through Alight Medicine, Dr. Selhub adopts an integrated approach to health and well-being, using both Western and Eastern mind and body techniques in her approach to healing disease and creating optimum health. She emphasizes the mental, emotional, and spiritual elements of physical conditions using her proprietary and practical method for activating and coordinating the mind, heart, body and spirit toward healing. She incorporates the use of her highly-developed intuitive skills into her work and teaches others to recognize and trust their own intuitive abilities.

Dr. Selhub’s much anticipated first book, The Love Response, is due to be published by Ballantine Books, division of Random House Publishing, in early 2009.