Raising Kind And Loving Children

Can We Raise Kind and Loving Children in the World as We Know It?

When our children are first born, loving them unconditionally is the most natural thing in the world. As time goes on, they begin to establish their independence, and we are constantly trying to figure out boundaries and discipline, without quashing their curiosity and passion for life. Sometimes, daily reminders of love become shrouded over.

When I discovered this in my own family I began a “Loving Things Journal©” to see if this simple, yet practical idea, could work. Within days, I noticed that not only my own children, but also the neighborhood kids were coming to my home and recording Loving Things in our Journal so they could pick something from the treat box.

Everyone tells kids that they have choices, which is true. But many times they do not even know how to make correct ones. By working with the Loving Things Journal© each day, they are learning to make good, loving choices. It is a practical application in experimenting with choosing love over selfishness. Ultimately, they are the ones who are rewarded when they begin to realize that the more loving acts they do, for themselves and others, the more love they feel for themselves. It is a wonderful training in the humanness of life.

I have been a student of ACIM for many years, although it had not really become clear to me until I read Gary Renard’s books. I think that one of the most thought-provoking lessons of ACIM is: To give and receive are one. As I continued to experiment with that lesson, I came upon a quote by Elisabeth-Kubler Ross that said if you raised one generation of children with unconditional love, you would eradicate violence. With these thoughts floating around in my mind, while trying to raise good kids, I had one of those wonderful “aha” moments. I hastily put together a hand-written Journal, ran off to buy all kinds of treats that the kids’ loved, and put them in a basket in the middle of the kitchen table.

That evening I sat them all down and told them that I had invented a new game. They had to do three loving things each day (as described in the “Loving Things Journal©”) and every night we would record them in the Journal. When they were completed, they could pick a treat from the treat basket. It only took a few minutes to do this, and they were all excited. Within a couple of days, it was astonishing to see how quickly their thinking had shifted.

Although we tend to live in a “me” generation, they were suddenly looking at how they could be in service to others, and it began to affect the choices they were making. They were now being made out of love, instead of selfishness, and I was beginning to see the effects that I had hoped for. It started out as an experiment, but as I soon noticed, it was becoming a habit with the kids. As the experiment has gone on over the years, I have discovered something that I had no idea would be such a delightful result: although it seemed to start out very conditional, we realized that the more love you give, the more you receive, and that is the reward in and of itself, as it begins to steer you into an unconditional love for all. The greatest compliment that I receive today is how kind my children are, and I marvel that such a simple experiment has had such a powerful impact on their entire lives.

I have been asked what is the best age group to start with, and I think that probably around the age of three is a good time to introduce the Journal. But, surprisingly, teenagers seem to have the most fun with it. All of a sudden they are thinking a little differently, and become quite creative in making different choices.

When my daughter was 19, we were invited to take the idea to a high risk high school, in Houston, Texas. It was quite intimidating with guards at the door, an electronic screening device and monitors in each classroom. At first, the kids seemed a little suspicious, and as we were by no means experts, we were pretty nervous. We soon discovered that the majority of these children had never thought of doing something loving for themselves or others. The school had decided to make our project a contest for the children, and they were to design their own Journals and write in them for one week. As the kids began opening up and talking about the loving things they had been doing, one young man described his home life to us. His Mom was raising four children by herself, while she worked two jobs. He was the oldest, attending school during the day, going home to help his younger siblings with homework, and prepare supper. When his Mom arrived home from her jobs, he would go to work for the evening. After attending the first class with us, he told his brothers and sisters about the experiment and they all sat down and discussed what they could do for their Mom. They decided to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen before she arrived. He said they all had so much fun doing it, with everyone joining in to do something loving for his Mom. When she walked through the door, everyone was so excited at the look on her face, as she broke down crying for what they had done for her. As she kept thanking them, he suddenly realized how one small loving act could have so much joy and appreciation in it, and how good it made him feel.

Every time I read about a school shooting, my mind wanders to “what if”. What if we raised the next generation with the Loving Things Journal©? Could it begin to be an end to school violence? Could it eradicate bullying, selfishness, competitiveness, etc. as each child is gently taught that: To give and receive are one?

Through this one small experiment, I have realized that not only can we raise kind and loving children; it may be something that is easily achievable, even in this seemingly chaotic and ever-increasing violent world. Two of the best ideas that have sprung up this generation are ‘Pay It Forward and ‘Random Acts of Kindness’, although they seem to fade in and out of popularity. With the training the children receive by actively working with the Journal each day, these ideas become a lifelong habit.

Sally MacKenzie Dubel currently lives in Beaver, Pennsylvania. Mom to three loving children, a great marriage to one of the “good guys”, author, and one of the proud owners of Fairy Godmothers Enchanted Catering.

The physical version of the Loving Things Journal© is available for 16.95, plus shipping and handling at www.lovingthingsjournal.com, or by calling 866-647-3687. You may also order a pdf version for only $9.95, and begin working with it immediately.

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