Learning to Trust Yourself

I’m sure there have been times you struggled to make a decision or enter into a commitment because you weren’t sure you would make the right choice. Maybe you’ve gotten a feeling in the pit of your stomach that something was not right, but you ignored it. If deep in our core, we know what is best for us, why don’t we trust ourselves?

What did you learn as a child about trust? Maybe you were unable to trust your loved ones or perhaps your loved ones did not trust you. Our first experiences with trust teach us a lot about whether or not we can trust ourselves. Sometimes we make choices that we believe are good and the result causes pain and confusion instead. Other times we make choices without really knowing who we are, discovering too late that the choice was wrong for us. Even when we do know what is best for us, we still sometimes ignore the flags because of fear, external pressure, or a belief that we are not worthy.

Sometimes we do make decisions that don’t turn out as planned. That can cause us to doubt ourselves on future decisions. I remember as a child always wanting to take tap dance lessons. So when the opportunity, as an adult, arose for me to learn to tap dance, I was positive I would love it. How wrong I was. It was nothing like I had anticipated, and I ended up quitting.

What about those times you saw the red flags, but you ignored them? I did that when I married my ex-husband. All the warning signs were there, but I went through with the wedding anyway. I rationalized that it was the best thing for our little boy, who was only one at the time. Within one year, we were separated.

I’ll bet there are even times you have truly made the best decision you could. You looked at all the pros and cons, and you made a very informed and educated decision. And maybe things still didn’t work out as planned. Life changes; people change. It doesn’t mean you cannot trust yourself in the future to make good choices.

If you cannot trust yourself, you will not be able to fully trust anyone else. Trusting yourself is critical to loving yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, and you must feel comfortable with yourself. Let me give you an example. There was a period of time when my husband struggled with his hair in the mornings. He would ask me how his hair looked and I would tell him it was fine. People at work would tell him that his hair looked good. Because he was not comfortable with his own hair, he would say to me, “I don’t know if I can believe people when they say my hair looks good.” He could not trust me or other people because he did not trust himself.

What happens when you don’t trust yourself? Normally people seek guidance from other people. You are then giving the control over your life to other people. It’s okay to ask other people’s opinions, but weigh them lightly. Then make your own personal decisions based on what’s most important to you and what works best for you. If you are unsure of yourself, listen to your intuition. Be still long enough to really hear what that little voice is saying.

How do you know if you can trust your intuition? You won’t until you start testing it out. While I was in coaching training, we were instructed to blurt out whatever our intuition was telling us. Depending on the client’s response, we would know if we were right. Sometimes we would be wrong, but that didn’t stop us from trusting our gut. More often than not, our little voice inside is accurate. The more you trust your intuition and discover it’s telling the truth, the more you will begin to trust yourself.

So the next time you feel confused about a decision, sit quietly and listen to your gut. Do not rationalize or talk yourself out of whatever you are feeling. Make your decision based on your intuition and watch to see how it turns out. Every time things go well, record the incident so you can see that you can be trusted. The more you practice trusting yourself, the easier it becomes. Sometimes you will be wrong, but that’s okay. Learn from your mistake and move on. It’s better to trust yourself and be wrong than to not trust yourself at all.