Modeling Life For Your Children

Fast forward 20 years; your children might be 20, 25 or maybe even 35. It doesn't really matter how old they are. What matters is whether or not they will learn the important family values that you wish to impart. Now I understand that, as mothers, we don't have complete control over the choices our children will make in their adult years. They won't always choose our values, and that's okay. However, when they are still at home, we have more influence than you might imagine. By simply "being" who we are in our own lives powerfully communicates what's most important to us.

My sixteen year old is taking an Adult Living class right now in school. Recently, I had the pleasure of reading a paper he wrote on his expectations for his adult life. It was amazing and intriguing to see how I have influenced some of the dreams he has for his life. Here are a few ideas he shared in his paper (ignore the grammar - he's still learning).

" I want to have lots of community involvement because I think that it's very important to have community involvement and it helps you as a person. I've done a lot of community stuff as a teen now, and I want to be able to continue and especially with the church because that community work is good.
" My situation that I want with my parents is to have a good relationship. I want to be able to keep the relationship strong and still communicate with them because they have been role models in my life and they are very important people to me.
" Three values that will be important for the basis of the relationship will be trustworthiness, caring, and responsibility. It will be trust because that is the number one essential thing that a relationship can have because with that there will be less problems and the relationship will flow a lot smoother. Caring, because you want to be able to care for your spouse because you love them, and being caring is very important for a relationship because it evolves two people and support is always great when someone is down. The third one is responsibility because you have to be responsible for your actions, and you need to be responsible for what you need to do for the relationship.

Our children are listening and our children are watching us. Sometimes we might wonder if they are learning anything we are teaching, but they are. They are listening to our words, but they are especially experiencing our actions. Who we are in all areas of our lives is the greatest teacher our children will ever have. The way in which we choose to conduct our lives sends very subtle, but powerful messages to our children. What values do you want to pass on to your children in each of these important areas of life?

Personal Development
Are you taking care of yourself emotionally? We teach our children about boundaries, taking care of their personal needs, and personal growth by modeling these things in our own lives. What do you want your children to learn about their own personal development?

Spirituality
Over the weekend, I witnessed a third grade girl pray over a box of food that was being sent to starving children in other countries. In the middle of a roomful of 135 adults and children, she delivered a profoundly mature prayer with confidence and love. This young girl has learned through powerful examples what living a spiritual life means in her family.

Fun and Enjoyment
What you teach your children today about play is what they most likely will pass on to their children. Whenever a mother struggles to know how to play with her children, I normally ask her how her mother played. The answer is she didn't. A mother that works all the time, leaving little room for fun and enjoyment, sends a message to her kids about what she values.

Relationships
It was interesting to me that my son chose trustworthiness, caring, and responsibility as the three most important values for relationships. I certainly never intentionally set out to teach these values as a basis for a relationship, although I admit they certainly are important. What messages might you send your children about relationships? How is conflict handled in your home? Where does your marriage fall in the order of priorities? What are they learning about friendship from you?

Health and Aging
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, between 16 and 33 percent of children and adolescents are obese. The AACAP also states that when one parent is obese, there is a 50 percent chance that the children will also be obese, and if there are two parents that are obese, the chances of childhood obesity increase to 80 percent. What does this tell us? Our children are watching us for examples on how to take care of their health. What definition of "health and wellness" do you want to pass on to your children?

Personal Finances
Many of our beliefs around money come from our childhood experiences. What did your parents teach you about money, directly or indirectly? Did you witness patterns of stinginess or abundance, spending or saving? Giving your children opportunities to learn about money and develop healthy money habits is a wonderful gift to pass on to them.

Career and Profession
My dad put me to work at 14 years old, and my brother started working in my dad's restaurant at the age of 12. I'm not sure if my father was conscious about what he was teaching us, but one characteristic that my brother and I both share is a strong work ethic. My father was an entrepreneur for most of his working life, and my brother and I are both entrepreneurs. Somehow we settled into what our role model taught us about work. Our children don't have to follow in our foot steps, but we want to make sure we are modeling the foot steps that are authentic for us, just in case they decide to.

Home and Family
Most moms focus a lot of their energy in the area of home and family. It is not at all uncommon for us to ask ourselves what kind of home environment we want to provide for our children. We are regularly looking at what it takes to be a "good mom". The definition of "good mom" is different for all of us. It's not something you can look up in the books - it's a way of life that feels authentic to you.

I can't tell you if there is a right way or a wrong way to model life for your children. However, I can tell you that it is worth your time and effort to explore all areas of your life and ask yourself if you are living your life authentically. Your children are looking to you to answer those important questions about how to live their lives.