Loving Yourself Part I

I am not talking about egotistical love. I am talking about the kind of love that is compassionate, understanding, and nonjudgmental The kind of love we all look for in life; the kind of love we all wished for as children growing up; the kind of love we hope we're giving to our children and people closest to us. I am talking about the kind of love that is unconditional; that feels warm and tender and safe and secure within our hearts and souls. So, what does it mean to love yourself this way? Loving yourself stems from the belief that "Who I am is enough"; that the qualities I possess as a person are worthwhile, special, and unique. This is the center of what it means to love yourself. The question everyone always asks is "Yes, but how do I get there?!"
Allow yourself to take a slow deep breath, in through your nose, and release gently with a sigh through your mouth. --- As you feel your body relax and become open to receiving a new message, I want you to picture yourself. Imagine that you are looking at yourself in the mirror. --- Who do you see? --- (Not what do you see?) Let your judgments pass by (you know the ones I mean.--I'm too fat, or my hair needs washing, or I look tired, or old or I have too many wrinkles, or I need a hair cut.---) Just allow these judgments to pass by. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply--- and look again at yourself in your mind's eye. Now see who you really are. Focus on your inner qualities. Are you a good friend, a good listener, kind, understanding, compassionate and caring to others, sensitive, witty, fun to be with, someone who enjoys a good laugh, someone who is helpful, intelligent, a hard worker, reliable, etc. You know what I'm talking about.
Maybe it will help to think about your best friend, (or spouse, or close family member, or your spiritual leader, or colleague) and what you like and admire in him/her. What would this person say that they like about you? What makes you their best friend, &/or special in their lives? Stop for a moment and really allow yourself to ponder this thought. Take another deep breath and sit with what these qualities are. If you are struggling with this part, please, take a break from reading this and pick up the phone and call this person and ask him/her to tell you what they love about you. Let yourself hear what they have to say. Write down the qualities that they tell you. Look at the messages and allow yourself to breathe them into your body, your mind and your soul. You know the words are true because they feel so good. Please, admit it to yourself that way down deep inside you, you enjoy knowing these qualities that you possess feel good to you, because you know they are true. Let the good feelings flow through you and around you. Take a deep breath and picture yourself in the mirror once again, and allow yourself to REALLY see who you are! That's it, breathe and stay with this warm, loving feeling. Take a deep breath and say: "I am lovable, capable, worthwhile and special and I deserve to be treated as such, by myself & others in my life!"
Take another deep breathe and really let the message sink in. Say this statement again allowing yourself to breathe in slowly and deeply and feel where it goes in your body. "I am lovable, capable, worthwhile and special and I deserve to be treated as such, by myself & others in my life!" Does it flow freely or does it get stuck. Just breathe--- and repeat the statement again, out loud. Hear the words resonate in your room, not just in your head. This is a statement, along with "Who I am is enough!" that must repeated over and over again as you go through your days and your week. Finding your self-esteem and bringing it forth is what this work is all about, and we'll journey together as you uncover and discover how lovable you really are!
Loren Gelberg-Goff, LCSW