Just Never Satisfied!

Hi Dr. Neder,

I am a 24 year-old med student and cannot find the right woman. I have been told I'm a handsome and outgoing, and my women friends always tell me I'm a catch. I've been involved with a couple women that logically seem like the type I'd like to get involved with, but I never develop any kind of connection with them and end up breaking things off. I feel like I won't be satisfied unless I find the perfect woman, but I have no idea how to go about doing so.

The last girl I really did care for told me I was a hopeless romantic, and I think she was right. Problem is, it's been awhile since I met someone that brought out that side of me. School takes up a lot of my time, so the only time I really dedicate to meeting new people is out at bars with friends. I rarely find someone I like at the bar, and if I do they seem to assume I'm a creep when all I'm trying to do is be friendly.

I don't have the time to take another class with women or volunteer or anything, so what do I do?

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Hello!

This is an excellent question! Don't feel alone here at all. Many, many people feel this way. It can seem overwhelming, but in fact, it's really only 3 different issues:

1) Goals
2) The Game
3) Time management

Let me deal with each one of them separately:

1) Goals

I know you don't have any properly-written relationship goals. How do I know this? Simple: if you did, you'd be meeting women all over the place that match them. The problem with these sorts of goals is that they take time and effort to put together. However, I'm going to show you in the last section how to make this time. In short, you need to spend quality time defining not only the "perfect woman" for yourself (and don't assume you already know who she is - you likely don't yet) but what the "perfect relationship" is for you too.

Consider this: you're in med school. I was in med school as well so I know what sort of time constraint you're under. However, by setting these goals properly, you'll actually INCREASE your time to find the right women. That makes it more than worthwhile to do.

You see, if you have no properly-written goals, every woman that passes you by is the "right one" simply because they match what you have - nothing.

To create these goals, you first need to find a hidden sanctuary away from phones and other distractions. Begin by listing every possible thing you can think of about your "perfect woman": her looks, her hair color, her eyes, her body, her height and weight, her background, her family, her job, her education, her political views, her interest in children and pets, and every other single thing you can image.

As you can see, this list gets very large very quickly - and that's the point!

Next, do the same thing to describe your "perfect relationship" with this woman. Imagine how you'll live, where you'll live, who your friends will be, what you'll do for fun, how you'll spend your time together, your sex, your communication, etc., etc., etc. Be absolutely complete here.

After you're done with these things, go back to each item you've written and give it a rating: "1-Absolutely must have", "2-Nice to have but not critical", "3-Not important" and "4-Must not have". Once you've done this, you'll have programmed your mind to find the "perfect women" for you - and trust me, they are all over the place!

2) Your Game

The "game" is all about meeting these women. You've had very little success in bars and there's a reason for that. You don't have any "bar game". Whereas you walk into a bar and find people that want to be polite, but that aren't interested in you, I find all sorts of targets that can hardly wait to get their numbers into my hands and to see me again - many that same night.

What's the difference? Simple: I know how to work "the game" to build attraction out of rapport and connection. Unfortunately, the reality is that bars and clubs (and for that matter, the internet) are lousy ways for most men to meet women. You need a special game to make these work for you. You can certainly learn to be successful in these venues however, but you don't have to unless you want to.

The reality is that great women are EVERYWHERE. The problem (again) is that you don't have your game in your back pocket to be able to walk right up to some women you see and build quick, powerful connection with her. As soon as you learn these easy skills, you'll have all the play you can handle - and with the right women!

3) Time Management

I just did a show on exactly this last week.

The fact is that everyone has the same 168 hours in a week. We magically get another 168 hours at the start of every new week, so we often don't use the hours we have efficiently. If you really took stock of your time, you'd find that you have at least 7-10 hours each week to use for "hunting" for the woman (or women) of your dreams. It's true! Let's take just one small example of this:

Do you study when you eat? Most people eat 2-3 meals a day and spend roughly an hour doing it. When you're eating your meal and working on your studies, you're using one hour to do multiple things; in effect, doubling those hours!

There are many things you can combine together to actually get more than 168 hours in a week. I've only touched on these subjects. If you want to get the whole story on each of them in great depth I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". Perhaps this is something you can do with your "meal hours"!

The bottom line is that you have the tools to find some really incredible women if you simply use them.

See possibilities, not limitations. You probably have more possibilities than most people do!

Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the new BAM! TV at http://beingaman.tv.

Copyright (c) 2008, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.