Introverts: Are You Waiting for Permission?

Introverts need time alone. Note that I stated, “need,” not “want.” It’s really necessary for us to function at our best. Yet, so many of us struggle with finding (or perhaps allowing ourselves) that needed time alone. Why do we find this so difficult? I believe there are many possible reasons.

Here are some beliefs and/or behavior that get in the way of having as much alone time as you need:

* Not acknowledging the necessity of some time alone

* A tendency to over commit because you don’t want to appear “lazy”

* An inability or reluctance to say “No”

* Identifying solitude as unhealthy or unnatural

* Fearing others will label you rude, weird, anti-social (or worse) if you reveal your preference

* Believing you have to justify your need before you can satisfy it

* Comparing yourself to others with different social needs and thinking something’s wrong with you (hint, we’re all different, so please stop comparing)

And the biggie (in my opinion): Waiting for permission to take time for yourself.

Are you waiting for permission? In other words, do you wait for someone else to approve of how you choose to spend your time? Do you feel you have to “explain” or apologize for those times you want to spend alone? Do you not take time for yourself unless you can think up a “good reason” for it?

I experienced a big “aha” moment once I realized that I was waiting for permission from other people before I let myself follow my own inclinations. A bigger “aha” immediately followed: “There’s no one stopping me but me. I’m the one withholding permission from myself.”

Do your introvert self a huge favor and give yourself permission to be who you are. This affects some much more than allowing yourself the needed alone time – but getting your needed alone time consistently is an excellent first step to functioning optimally.

Be forewarned: giving yourself permission will not suddenly make extra time appear! If you are a typical overworked, over committed, overwhelmed person (and who isn’t these days) it will challenge your time management skills to fit in that alone time. Whatever time management approach you choose, try regarding your alone time as a “must have” instead of “nice to have” and see if that opens up some opportunities you have previously overlooked (or denied yourself).

(c) 2009 Joanne Julius Hunold