Helping Aging Parents, Helping Yourself

Many of us in the baby boom generation face experiences of dealing with aging parents. Here is a recent related question we received from Diana during our "Answers to Your Most Important Questions on EFT and Energy-Healing" teleclass (by the way, this class will become an audio product released summer 2007 at www.gettingthru.org).

"I have overseen my mom's care for the past 10 years -- she lived with me for 3 years, then went into assisted living for 3 years and has now been in a nursing home for close to 4 years. All during this time I felt very much on my own, alone and unsupported by my extended family while having to make decisions that were difficult and handling my mom's finances on top of it all. My Aunt Elaine was very critical of me and made me feel like I was a horrible person for deciding that I could no longer care for her and that she needed to be in more supervised care. Then she criticized the place I had her, how I oversaw her care, etc. I have used EFT on all these issues and most of the time I feel very good about the decisions I made, especially since I didn't have much help or support.

Then yesterday one of my other aunts told me how my Aunt Elaine had severely criticized me when I needed to move my mom into assisted living. This triggered a strong reaction, though I thought I was past all that. I don't know why I will feel like I'm finished with it and then later on it will unexpectedly return. I'm not able to see what is triggering the response, what I've missed in my tapping."

DEALING WITH CORE ISSUES

Diana faced some deeper core issues, which often arise around the profound decisions and experiences for taking care of an aging parent. Clearly multiple issues were involved. So just tapping on one of the issues is unlikely to clear everything. In this case, there are mother-daughter issues, as well as Diana's issue to her aunt and the rest of the family. Yes they are related, but need to be taken individually until the charge is gone. Clearing one issue might generalize and diminish intensity in other areas as well.

As we described recently regarding Spiritual Activations (see http://www.gettingthru.org/sn0407.htm ), the soul's journey is about eventually clearing co-dependent relationships (controlling or being controlled by others), which results in sovereignty. Unresolved issues from childhood can easily resurface when dealing with aging parents. Although challenging at times, it can be a unique opportunity for spiritual growth and transcendence.

To deal with important relationships, it first helps to clear issues with tools like EFT and Spiritual Kinesiology. Then it's important to make different choices to support your newfound understanding.

Besides many friends, colleagues, students and clients who are dealing with aging parents, Jane also has a wealth of experience in this area. Between 1997-2003, she was responsible for both of her aging parents. Her mother was in advanced stages of Alzheimer's and her father was blind with senility brought on by alcoholism. He had been an alcoholic and verbally abusive for years, particularly earlier in Jane's life. As a child, she lived with constant fear.

LIFE-CHANGING REALIZATIONS

It seemed ironic that Jane would become her father's caretaker, but as the only surviving family member, Jane bore full responsibility for both of her aging, ailing parents. To succeed, she had to reverse roles, take control of the situation, and set firm boundaries. Her father wanted to live with us, but, with the severity of his condition, it simply was not possible. At first, Jane saw her role as making him happy.

After some torturous months, she realized that he wasn't ever happy before, and she needed to change her goal. She determined that a more reasonable approach was to assist her parents in ways that would keep them safe, provide the personal care they needed, and honor all concerned. It was a challenging time. Fortunately, with the help of EFT, Spiritual Kinesiology, and some soul searching, she was able to find ways to provide for the needs of all involved.

OBLIGATION OR SOULFUL GUIDANCE TO HELP

During this challenging time, Jane gained new inner strength and sovereignty, so she no longer had to be afraid of her father. For her success, she and others in similar situations will benefit from considering the following:

It's good to check in with your soul and distinguish between what is an obligation (ego/societal programming) and what is your soul guidance. Obligations feel heavy and oppressive, while soul-based decisions feel lighter and uplifting. Helping another can be part of your life plan, an agreement chosen by the soul before birth. Helping an aging parent needs to be put in perspective, so you can tell what is a heartfelt desire to help and what are unnecessary obligations and feelings of guilt.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Taking care of aging parents can be a challenging experience, as evidenced by Dianna's original question. It's good to get support -- from friends, associates, family, or personal consultations. It is certainly an area to practice your EFT, GTT and Spiritual Kinesiology skills.

At times helping aging parents can seem like "mission impossible." Yet as difficult as any experience may be, it still can offer profound learning on your journey to wholeness. It can advance you on your spiritual path, gaining sovereignty in relationships. Caring for ailing parents can be part of a life that is still filled with joy and fulfillment.

So remember to release your obligations, follow your guidance, and you'll come out stronger and wiser... and may even be able to find the humor in it.