An open book ...

Another decision made... a time of standing in that decision come what may ...& now completion.

I looked at my life today as I was busy gardening & thought how lucky I am. Well how lucky "we" are as human beings supported by the Universe.

Every choice I have made whether it be for my highest good or not has come into my reality - Maybe not as quick as I may have expected it in my impatient days but it has come in "its" time.

Like at 21 years of age ... a picture hanging in my living room of three children. A girl in the middle with a boy each side pecking her on the cheek, their ages not th at far apart "il bacio" it was called. I wished for three more children, 2 boys & a girl every night as the stars twinkled - & they came, their ages not far apart *smile*

Driving past different places ... thinking how nice it must be to live there ... to find myself there a few years later to find it really wasn't as I "expected."

What I am getting at, is that we make a choice with strength & it is supported, It may not turn out as we would have liked but we made that choice - how can we "blame" another or the Universe when it goes wrong, when the Angels were simply following instructions. Our instructions

. How blessed we are to have such free will, supported in every choice & as loving parents, even though it may not be for our highest good the Angels walk with us through our learning & through our adventures.

Remember me telling you about that experience I had last year where I literally felt a part of me leave my body & return to its past life with Nick. I felt free to "choice" him again if I so wished, not out of karma or ties but love.

Lots of opportunities began to arise for "our" healing as a couple ...each time something old coming up & the two of us rising above it, moving through it, breaking patterns - a wonderful experience.

The "end" result of these opportunities has meant that old has cleared leaving space for new BUT the new is not what I assumed... the new has left us as friends, a totally new relationship just in a different form - do I yell at the Angels or the Universe for it not being the result I expected - no, because this feels as it should be, I have learnt that that life is not "my way" & besides I "declared" myself as love ... chose to recognise that & so all that is not of love will leave. FACT.

I love Nick & always will & he will always be a treasured part of my life but our time has man & wife is complete. We cannot begin where we left off as that is old... that energy, those patterns, that bond does not exist for either of us anymore, even if we tried which believe me we have, the force is un - natural - yet we still have love for each other & this is how it is meant to be ...how many live on after a relationships ends in divorce or separation in bitterness, anger, in pain.
Simply because anything that is not love is uncomfortable & is therefore not healed.

Funny how this time last year writing to you about Nick would bring up all kinds of hurt - it doesn't now - I feel at peace with how things are. I do not wish to force it to be any other way. I wish for happiness20for both of us as individuals - hand on my heart - it is so healing to be a part from him & feel love.

How could it be any other way ... when we choose to be & recognise ourselves as love - how can anything else fit?

It has been a process to get to this point & I think that is very, very important. To honor each emotion, each opportunity for healing, to be aware of old coming up... too often we think we should be "over" it by now or push our way forward or loose ourselves in work, friends, other relationships to quick - only to be taken back at some point when we least expect it to collect a part of us we left behind, forgot20to heal. Pushing, shoving, forcing is not kind to anyone including ourselves, it does not get us anywhere, trying to control the other person, the situation, the out come.

I feel the balance & the healing has come from allowing myself to feel love for Nick as an individual ... all his ways, all his 100 "cant's" to my "cans" , for our irreplaceable treasured moments together, for our children - & at the same time as "holding" this love in my heart, recognising & most of all accepting that together we simply do not fit anymore. We are not even cheese & pickle, we are 100% chalk & cheese & as Dawn French says "a chalk & cheese sandwich doesn't taste too good."
I did wonder today how I will feel when Nick finds someone else. How will I feel knowing he gives another the love & affection I asked for but he could not give? I expect a part of me will seek some form of healing but that is not now but then - & who knows - he may choose love for himself & turn into a "pickle " - the Universe does work in mystreious ways.
I do know I wish him freedom, happiness & love & I choose this for me also.

I feel blessed that I have learnt so much this past year, not only about myself & a "process" but relationships too & of course love- its many forms & splendid gifts.

And it really is true that as we make that declaration " I am love" - All that is not falls away - Like it not, we chose it.

Bizarre how many people then start ranting & raving & blaming the spiritual path or the Angels for what they see as misfortunes - as I said we make a choice & we are supported "I am love" is a choice - do we want that reality or not?

If "I am love" so too will my reflection be - well, if I am honest enough & strong in that love to remove the uncomfortable fears that cling on, hold me in a place.

So yes, as I was saying choices - every one I have made t he Angels have supported even when I was walking my path blind folded I see now they were there.
The thing is now to make choices of love not fear. Choices with no expectations or control. Choices that are genuine guidance - not my wishful thinking or "willy nilly" decisions wondering if the grass is greener on the other side
Choices that support my spirit, not squash it.

Whether we choose a higher or a lower pathway, at each crossroads the Angels are going to be there. They do not abandon us because our choice was from fear not love or when we abandon our trust in them.

I am so grateful for the past year's process. I am grateful for=2 0having free will to explore choices & discover how they fit
I am grateful for the awareness I have now to know how precious choices are & that all my choices now need to come from love - not fear.
I am grateful for the loving, non - judgmental support from God & the Angels - patience of the saints, all of them *smile*

Bless them, they must really wonder sometimes "do they really choose that?" as we dither & analysis, change our minds, change direction, listen to our heads not our hearts. Choose love then rant & rave when our lives change to support that - how confusing their existence must be...rather than "mayo with that sir?"
"Love with that sir?" *smile*