You’re a nice guy or nice girl. You have morals and ethics. You want to do everything above-board and you play by the rules. The problem is, you’re getting nowhere with your dating/sex/relationship life!

You look around you and see guys and girls that seem to be bending (or breaking) the rules and wonder if you could do that. Then, your own sense of justice kicks in and you go right back to being lonely and hoping that someone, somewhere will find you, see what you have to offer (without all the game-playing) and will fall in love with you.

It’s a nice fantasy, but sometimes, it just doesn’t work. Here are 10 ideas to stretch your “ethics” when it comes to dating that might just make things a little different.

1. Lying

Yes, I know mom told you not to lie, but in fact, we all do it – all the time! You know those 15 pounds you shaved off your online profile’s weight, or the 2 inches you added to your height or 10 years you moved your birthday forward on the calendar? Yes, we all lie.

Of course, nobody wants to admit and (worse) we sure as hell want someone else to live up to our demands that they be “totally and completely honest” but let’s face it. Nobody does that – not even you.

Sometimes a few little lies can get you over a big hump. Often, you don’t even have to come clean about it! Trust me, karma; while a great idea (and a way of getting some people to be honest) rarely happens.

2. Cheating

Yes, people also cheat!

Here’s something no victim of cheating wants to hear: when someone cheats (your girlfriend/boyfriend) BOTH of you are guilty!

(“But wait Doc, I’m a VICTIM here!!!”)

Sorry. The reality is; I’ve never seen a case where both people didn’t have responsibility in an episode of cheating. No, I’m absolutely serious.

Here’s my best advice however: if you’re going to cheat, you absolutely, positively MUST NOT ever let your partner find out about it! You don’t get to come back later and try to relieve your own guilt by confessing it.

Think about this: all you’ll ever do is harm someone you claim to care about. You never relieve the guilt even after this and then you have to work to try to repair all that damage. If you want to beat yourself up over what you’ve done, don’t bring even more harm to someone else in the process. Just become a better girlfriend or boyfriend instead.

3. Go after your ex’s friends

Your hot ex is a wealth of new opportunities! Can you imagine the wacky fun when you show up with that person to your ex’s house party? You’ll have stories to tell your grandchildren and write books about!

4. Steal your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend

Here’s the reality: it’s more difficult to KEEP a boyfriend or girlfriend than to steal someone else’s!

Maybe they just aren’t right for each other or maybe they have a wondering eye and you’re just the guy or gal to tame them. Actually, you’d be doing your friend a favor, right?

5. Break the rules

Does your office have rules against dating a boss, employee or co-worker? Has your activities group agreed that you won’t date people inside the group? Do you have a really hot cousin that you’ve always wondered about?

Well, those rules are artificial, right? In fact, you’d be crazy NOT to break them!

The trick is in hiding things really, really well. You have to be careful about how you act around your new lover when you’re at work or with the group. You need to have some ground rules to pull this off, but think of the thrill of stealing a few kisses in the storeroom or playing “pinch and tickle” at Thanksgiving dinner!

6. Talk down the competition

This is probably the most common unethical trick there is! You play down the competition because, after all, that person isn’t anywhere near as good a choice as you are! Of course, you don’t even know that person, but does it really matter? You’ve seen the wolf down their food or maybe you blame them for farting in a group.

7. Sabotage

Disposable phones, free email addresses, fake Facebook accounts all are there for a reason! Imagine snapping a secret picture of someone and posting it on your new Facebook account only the then friend their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Or, what about unexpected text messages or emails? If the object of your desire happens to have access to the victim’s accounts, you can just imagine the zany results of finding these little well-planned attempts at sabotage.

8. Blackmail

Another common ploy! “Jump in bed with me right now or I’ll tell your girlfriend you came on to me” or “Let’s have drinks tonight and talk about your promotion”, etc.

I think everyone has tried to use blackmail or has been the victim of it. If it’s this common, it must be pretty effective, no?

9. Get your friends to gang up

Why should you have all the fun? Why not let your friends in on it too?

From blackmail or talking someone down to sabotage, just about any of these dirty tricks is even more fun when you involve your friends.

10. “Forget”

Oops! I “forgot” you were married or I “forgot” you didn’t date “friends” or I “forgot” you were gay.

Forgetting is a time-honored way to change things up! We all seem to have “memories of convenience” sometimes. That little lapse in memory can sometimes be a way to score big when it comes to extending your own “sphere of influence” in the dating/sex/relationship world!

Now, I’m not suggesting that YOU do any of the heinous things. Or, am I? Sometimes thinking outside the box might just be the ticket you were looking for.

Just know this: if you someone catches you in any of these rule-breakers and you claim, “But Dr. Dennis said I could!” I’ll deny everything.

Best regards...
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at Follow me on Facebook ( and Twitter (
Copyright (c) 2012, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 3 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 33,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to and You can also follow his micro-blog at: