I took a poll the other day when I was teaching my class at a local community college. I asked the students what they thought in regards to the “act of forgiveness.” Since we are reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie, one of the main themes in this life lesson memoir is “forgive everybody everything.” As you can surmise, there were a mix of opinions as to whether they believe the old adage “forgive and forget.” However, they all seemed to universally agree that they did see Morrie’s point. Sure, forgiving others is an important part of moving on with your life. But, what happens when you have a hard time forgiving the person that is most important in your life, you?

Realizing that I may be on to something here, I started to ask my friends, family, Facebook friends, and colleagues about the art of self-forgiveness. As you can expect, I was met with half-glazed eyes and cringes. “Geez, what is so hard about all this forgiveness stuff?” I thought. Why can we forgive others for even the most horrific of actions, but can’t cut ourselves a break for being 15 minutes late for the big meeting?

To me, the first step towards moving forward with your life or taking a step closer towards living that dream is that you simply have to believe that you deserve it. And, if you do not think that you deserve to live a better life, then you never will.

So, what happens when you are constantly scrutinizing yourself over not doing this, not achieving that? And how do we get rid of those self-doubt demons that constantly fuel that fire of self-ridicule for never letting up on ourselves?

It all starts with forgiveness.

Repeat after me, I forgive myself.

You need to forgive yourself for many things in order to rid yourself of that mind clutter that keeps you from forging ahead with your life. Forgive yourself for not achieving this or living the life that you thought you would be living. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past and use them as teachable moments for a richer future.

Simply put, forgive yourself for not being the person that you thought would be today.

That is the past, and believe me, we all have some issue or another that could potentially spark the ever so dreaded mid-life crisis with the trigger thought “Is this where I thought I would be at this time in my life?”

You will never move forward if you continue to be stuck and punish yourself for the way you are presently living your life.

What have I learned from the success principle gurus and coaches that I have studied over the years? You have to let go of the past to move towards the future. It’s as simple as that. How you live today is the template for how you will live your life tomorrow. So, you say, you have always wanted to learn how to scuba dive by the time you were 40 and now you are 48? So what! Stop punishing yourself for not doing it, and take the steps to do it now!

Don’t use what you haven’t accomplished in your life as a reason to continue “not accomplishing it.”

Reconnect with the dream that you had back in the day and how it made you feel. List reasons why you want to achieve that goal. Make a list of adjectives on how you would feel going for that dream. Why not do it now?

The older we get the more baggage we have and the more reasons we may have lingering in our brains as to why “not” to do something. We tend to put many things ahead of our own personal goals, since that is just what we are used to – as parents, employees, caretakers, etc. Why not give yourself permission and start living the life you had always wanted to? Do it now.

Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate and take the steps today to give yourself a break and let go. You will feel so much better when you do. Free up your mind to replace that mind clutter for more positive things. And when you do, reward yourself with a trip to the Caribbean and that new scuba suit. You deserve it.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." Paul Boese

Author's Bio: 

Become a Facebook Fan! Read about daily success tips, events and workshops - http://bit.ly/9VyfhG

1. Who is Patti?

I am a forty something single mom of two awesome kids. In the past six years, I have: separated and divorced, finished a graduate degree with honor’s, started a part-time career as a writing instructor at a local college, opened up my own business as a transition coach, and as of November 2008, became newly engaged! In addition, I have finished my basic training to become part of a collaborative law team.
As you can see, it has been quite an eventful few years! However, I have never felt more fulfilled in my life.

2. How did I do it?

I can honestly tell you that I have utilized many of the same principles I learned in graduate school (I have a Master’s of Arts in Teaching) and applied them to my life. I thought, “What are my goals? Where do I want to be in one year – two years – five years? How am I going to get there?” (Think of this as being your own tutor!)
Like a teacher does with her class, I wrote out my lesson plans on how to achieve those goals. Hour-by-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, slowly but surely, I kept my eye on those goals and made sure that I kept forging ahead, even on the days I barely could get out of bed. (On those days, I gave myself a gold star for even making myself a pot of coffee or going to the dry cleaners!)

This is a true testimony on how you can use a crisis to create a new path for your future. That is what I did. I took all the pain and suffering I had during my divorce, turned it around into a positive learning experience.

3. What is the magic formula that makes my business thrive?

I knew that knowledge was power and the better educated I was as to what I could expect from the transition going on in my life – my transition process – the better. I wanted to be one step ahead of the game when meeting with the professionals and my goal was to be the ideal client.I wanted to use this change as a way of exploring my character and my drive.

So, I challenged myself – I wanted to get the most for my money when meeting with my lawyers and other professionals for many reasons – I wanted to save money, not waste my time talking about emotional issues during our meetings and I wanted to get it over with as smoothly (and quickly) and possible. And, most of all, I wanted to learn the tools on how to learn and grow from this time of change in my life. I didn’t want this possibly uncertain time to define who I was. I wanted to own it and move on.
In the meantime, I read and studied books on goal-setting and laws of attraction as well as countless books on people who not only survived, but thrived during times of transition (refer to recommended book list). I realized there was very little information out there on how people overcame obstacles in their lives and the techniques they had when accomplishing goals during tough times.

While I was studying and researching the various aspects of life transitioning and how to do it right, so to speak, I would reward myself with reading books on how to achieve your dreams! As a result, Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A., the Transition Coach, was created!

All you need to do is commit to wanting to move forward in a positive direction.

Let’s get started! www.positivelifetransitions.com - (50% of my coaching is done via telephone and/or online correspondence)

4. What material will we cover at your coaching sessions?

* We will find the necessary resources for you during this transition process.

* We will focus on creating a positive client-based relationship that will give you the ability to compartmentalize this transition process separate from your emotions.

* I will help you achieve your goals and find a balance between the transition you are facing and moving on with your life.

* A step-by-step plan will be devised on how to come up with an action plan towards obtaining your goals.

* By creating a road map for you to follow during this time of uncertainty in your life, we can concentrate on empowering you with the peace, self-respect and hope that may have been lost along the way.

5. Background Information and Training

A. Adjunct Writing Instructor - Brookdale Community College

* specialty: collaborative teaching and process writing approach, basic skills teacher.

* focus: instruction via academic coaching – my goal is to have the students feel academically enthusiastic and confident upon completion of the class while mastering the fundamentals of essay writing.

* areas of interest/themes of the lessons: modern day heroes, laws of attraction, life lessons with Morrie from Tuesdays with Morrie, the Pay it Forward movement, how to stay motivated in an academic world.

B. Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC – Founder

* specialty - motivational speaker, consultant, coach – business and professional.

* focus - executive coaching, social media networking, finding professional resources for clients going through transition, working as part of a legal team on assisting clients to stay-solution focused and goal-oriented, utilize proactive methods on how to navigate the waters of change – both professionally and personally, how to encourage moving forward during times of transition.

* areas of interest - Collaborative Law. Social Media and Marketing, Strategic Planning, Success Principles for Entrepreneurs.

Mediation Training- as approved by AOC for CLE hours.
Basic Collaborative Law Training – completed 6/13/09

Graduate Student - Rowan University

* candidate for M.A. In Writing - 4.0 GPA (previously obtained an M.A. in Teaching - 3.97 GPA)

Favorite Quotes:

“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness.”
Anonymous

“Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.” T.S. Eliot

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” Judy Garland

“Talk about a dream, try to make it real.” Bruce Springsteen

Business Address:

Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC

Piff – Tomaro Professional Building

1704 Maxwell Drive

Suite 302

Wall, New Jersey 07719

(732) 865-5377

patti@positivelifetransitions.com

“Helping you find the resources you need to stay focused and balanced during professional and personal times of transition.”